Dear Prudence,
I recently housesat for a friend’s colleague, something I often jump at the chance to do—I live in a small apartment so am happy to spend some time elsewhere and make some extra money at the same time. I was paid and everything seemed fine, until the day after I returned home, when I received a furious text containing a wild accusation that has thrown me for a loop.
Apparently, I had transgressed by lighting one of her “luxury” candles. Now, I did in fact light one of these candles: There were several new ones displayed prominently in the living room and I thought nothing of it, because candles are meant to be lit! I told her as politely as possible that I was sorry but saw nothing wrong with what I did, and she proceeded to berate me and make me feel like an uncultured rube because according to her it is egregious to light a candle in someone else’s home when it clearly has not been lit before. She told me she expected me to Venmo her for the cost of the candle—and it is a $70 candle!
I haven’t paid her, and am stunned as to how to even respond. I asked another friend for her perspective and she had actually been in a similar situation before while staying in an AirBnB with her girlfriend; she was going to light a candle that had not been lit until she was stopped by her girlfriend who said it was rude and something you “just don’t do” unless the owner expressly tells you it’s OK.
Prudie, am I crazy? I would never have lit the candle if she had explicitly told me not to and I am willing to issue another apology, but she also makes a lot more money than I do (enough to buy $70 candles), so I’d like to think she would be able to put this in perspective and let this go in the name of being a decent human. Did I completely miss the memo on candle lighting protocol- and if so, how can I proceed without paying $70 for an honest mistake?
—Candle Crisis