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Your family sounds miserable

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My family is a lot: loud, messy, and with very poor boundaries. My husband has always been uncomfortable around them, so I was really pleased when he seemed incredibly chill on recent visits. Everybody commented on how relaxed he seemed lately. Well, it turns out he has been prepping for these trips with Xanax and edibles. I’m not even sure if I’m angry about this or why I would be, but I guess it just hurts that the only way the man I love can tolerate the people I love is while off his head on drugs. I’ve asked him to stop but he says this is what makes the trips bearable so I can have one or the other. How do I frame my concerns when I am not sure I even understand them myself?

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Re: Your family sounds miserable

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why can't you understand that everyone has their own norms of what they consider to be OK?  Your H sees your family as too much so he opts to go for a medication that helps him deal with the situation.

    He's honoring you by being there and present with the help of something that guides his nerves.

    Why not talk to him instead about what situations trigger his anxiety so you understand your spouse and then know what situations IN ADDITION to your family gatherings that pose a concern??
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    You can be pleased while he self-medicates or you can have a terrible time with him and your family.  I really don't see the issue here, especially since he seemed to have managed it well enough that you didn't notice until (I'm assuming) he 'fessed up.

    Also, way to make your family's "loud messy and poor boundaries" his fault.  Just really lovely of you, LW.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not sure I see the problem here. Maybe you're upset that he decided to just do it instead of talking to you about it first? 

    Work on accepting that this is a solution instead of trying to force him to be miserable. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you can’t work out how you’re feeling or why, you need to do that first before insisting he stop. Is it that he feels the need to medicate at all? Is he actually high and “off his head on drugs” and driving or otherwise being unsafe? Do you just want him to suffer through like you apparently do? Work that out first before you force him into what seems like a pretty terrible time with your family. 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Since the LW didn't mention their medical degree and specialty, so I assume they don't have one.  As such, they need to STFU and MYOB about what medication their H's DOCTOR has prescribed for him to take for anxiety.

    But it's fair they should know if their H is driving on either one.  It's also fair to ask if they take them at the same time and their doctor is aware of it, because Xanax and THC are usually contraindicative to take together.
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