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Wedding Woes

Girl, DTMFA

 Is it all in my head?: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6½ years. He went on vacation a few months ago without me (I could not get out of work), and he met a woman on the plane ride there. She is his age, had similar interests, and loves beer. He gave her his number with the intent of possibly setting her up with our mutual friend whom he was visiting on vacation. They had all hung out a few different times, and he hung out with her one on one while drinking on vacation. Now normally, I wouldn’t be peeved. But my BF failed to mention her to me the whole time while he was on vacation because he said I would overreact about the whole thing. Fast-forward a week later, and they have been texting nonstop. She came out to our area, which is where her parents live, and my boyfriend made it a big deal that he didn’t want me to meet her. He felt that I had too much hostility toward her, and he didn’t want me to embarrass us. He told me that he does not find her attractive, and it’s simply a friendship. But his sneakiness with it while on vacation is what really bothered me. Why hide it if there’s nothing going on? This would be different if it wasn’t a “new” friend. I have never felt this way with his previous female friends. I have gone to therapy about this, and I feel that his behavior with her is borderline emotional cheating. I’ve confronted him about it, and for the past three months almost every argument is about this person. I understand that we all seek out connections from other people, but please tell me: Am I overreacting? Is this normal?

Re: Girl, DTMFA

  • Nope.   Get rid of him.  
  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I'm not sure on this one.  I think I need more info.  B/c some of this reads like BF is used to GF's jealousy.  His behavior isn't on the up and up either.  But honestly, if you've been arguing about this for 3 months and neither of you is willing to figure out how to compromise successfully after 6.5 years?  Just go, both of you just go.
  • Nah- the fact that he preemptively didn’t tell you about her so “you wouldn’t get mad” is gaslighting. He’s putting his bad behavior on you and basically saying you deserve being lied to. Nope. 

    Even if GF is an extremely jealous person (which from the letter there seems to be no indication of) lying still isn’t okay. 
  • But his sneakiness with it while on vacation is what really bothered me. Why hide it if there’s nothing going on?

    That's the crux of it. He's hiding it and telling you it's your fault because he knows it's wrong. $50 says he slept with her on vacation. 
  • But his sneakiness with it while on vacation is what really bothered me. Why hide it if there’s nothing going on?

    That's the crux of it. He's hiding it and telling you it's your fault because he knows it's wrong. $50 says he slept with her on vacation. 
    I thought this too. I said “he already did her”. But I’m also extremely jaded. 

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