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Wedding Woes

Do you NEED to tell people?

Dear Prudence,

Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). It is not deadly, but it is incurable, and it could eventually leave me disabled if things turn south. Due to a combination of good fortune, early diagnosis, and the privilege of having access to great doctors/treatment, my case is very mild and doesn’t affect my ability to function. But the low-key nature of it makes it really confusing to figure out when and how to tell people about my illness.

When I was first diagnosed, I told all of my closest friends and family members, but that was almost a decade ago, and since then, I have made a ton of close friends who don’t know about it. I have struggled to find a way to bring it up naturally in a way that doesn’t seem shoehorned (or come across like a big reveal). Mostly, I am afraid that telling people will change how they see me! Am I overthinking it? How would you approach the topic? And yes, I’m in therapy!

—I’m Fine, Really!

Re: Do you NEED to tell people?

  • I think it really depends on your specific situation.  Is the answer that you have fatigue or aches or things that prevent your daily activities?  If the answer is that you're declining a hiking invitation due to the MS then say you have a health condition but you aren't required to divulge medical information.
  • Are you Jed Bartlet and running for President? If no, then do they need to know? Is there something you specifically want them to know? 

    I think spend time thinking about if you feel like you truly want them to know (and what you want them to do with that info- something? Nothing? Ways to help? Ways that are helpful for them to respond?) or if you just feel like they should know. 
  • If it's a friend and you just want to share, say "I haven't mentioned this until now because it just hasn't been relevant, but I want you to know that I have MS. My case is mild and under control right now, but I do occasionally have symptoms and it's likely that they will worsen over time. I'm not asking you for anything, but since we've become close, I wanted you to know about it." 
  • If it's a friend and you just want to share, say "I haven't mentioned this until now because it just hasn't been relevant, but I want you to know that I have MS. My case is mild and under control right now, but I do occasionally have symptoms and it's likely that they will worsen over time. I'm not asking you for anything, but since we've become close, I wanted you to know about it." 
    I sort of do this with Chiquita and have to for her athletics.  "Hey she has UC.  It's managed and she's generally fine but she may have sudden cramps or need to run to the bathroom.  These are part of her symptoms." 


  • Everyone's situation is different, but I'm laughing at how most of my friends and dates found out I was a T! diabetic.  Especially in college.  That was also back in the days when insulin pens didn't exist yet.

    "Oh hey.  I'm a Type 1 diabetic and need to take an insulin shot.  (I start to pull out my syringe and vial from my purse).  If you're afraid of needles, don't look for about 30 seconds.  I'll tell you when it's 'safe'."  Lol.

    TBH, people usually can't see the shot anyway because I'll do it on the opposite side of them and in my hip.  But some people can get a little freaked out just seeing a syringe.

    My favorite story on that was one of my sorority sisters.  She really, really wanted to watch me give myself a shot.  She was interested but was also really afraid of needles.  I think she was also going to use it as a little bit of "exposure therapy".

    For some extra humor, her dad was a physician...though in research and not patient care.  And her childhood BFF was going to college for nursing.

    All of that was fine.  I didn't care and gave her an open invitation for any time she wanted to watch.  She would flinch and say, "No, not yet.  I'm not ready yet."

    Until the day she thought she was ready.  She asked me to explain what I was doing because she was curious how it worked and it would also give her a tiny bit of time to get used to seeing the needle.

    RIGHT before the needle was about to pierce my skin, she quickly turned away and said, "Ah! No I can't!"  I encouraged her that she got so much closer this time!  And extended my open invitation again.  But she never talked about it after that, lmao.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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