Dear Prudence,
My mother refuses to get over the end of my first marriage. We were high school sweethearts, but the reality is, we were together because everyone and their dog wanted us to be together. We got married at 19, and by 23, we couldn’t stand each other. It was a relief to discover that she was cheating on me because it gave me a clean out. My mother claimed my ex just made a “mistake,” and I was ruining my life because I would never find someone as wonderful as her ever again.
Well, I found someone better. My wife is funny, beautiful, and my true soulmate, but my mom can’t see that. She didn’t pull anything at the wedding, but since my ex and her two kids moved back to our hometown, she fawns over them and posts pictures of them all across social media. While ignoring my wife and me.
We recently went to Europe to celebrate my wife’s birthday, and my mother didn’t even wish her a happy birthday or comment on one of our pictures. She did, however, post her having a spa day with my ex and wrote that she was the daughter she never had. This has hurt my wife because she has gone out of her way to bond with my mother and is held at arm’s length. My mother denies any ill intent and claims she has known my ex her entire life, and they are just friends.
The biggest breaking point was a text from my cousin about how my mother has pulled out my old prom and wedding photos and displayed them promptly on the wall. I asked if my current wife and I had any photos up, maybe just one of our last family reunions. I couldn’t believe this until he sent me photos that proved it. I know I can’t control who my mother socializes with, but this blanket disrespect and disregard for my wife has me seeing red. We had plans to visit at the end of summer, but frankly, I feel our vacation time would be better served with a family that actually wants us around. I love my mother, but my God, she needs to let the past go. What do I say to her?