Dear Prudence,
My husband and I married somewhat later in life and agreed that we would not take extraordinary measures to have kids if it came down to it. Well, turns out we would need them. Aside from being in the “geriatric” pregnancy age range, I’d need extensive tests and procedures and likely many rounds of IVF to get even close. And it would still be medically dangerous in some ways. So, having shared this with him, I made a kind of sad peace with it a year or so ago. I’ll be OK if it’s just us and the pets, and I’m open to adoption. Tonight after his regular therapy session, though, he said his therapist told him to tell me how sad he is over it. “Some people can be satisfied with just their pets as their kids. I’m not,” he said, and then said how unfair it is that he doesn’t get to be a dad because he’d be great at it, and he’ll always feel like he missed out. I asked him, kindly I thought, if it’s wrong for us to stay married then, that I’ll always feel like I did this to him, held him back. He said he told his therapist that I’d say that, and that I’m the love of his life, it’s not my fault, and he can’t imagine life without me. But if he’ll never be fully happy, what do I even say to that? I already made some peace with this, but clearly he hasn’t, and I have no idea what to say or do next.