Hump Day

ei34 · August 20

How’s everyone today? Wishing all well!

ei34 · August 20

We went a little off the grid the last few days but heading home later today. I’m usually all about the crack of dawn rides but have wanted to try a later departure. I could never do NY -> NH 4-10pm bc I’m a big city baby and can’t function if roads aren’t super well-lit, and I know for a fact that roads up here are not. Basically any situation where I have to use my brights is terrifying 😝 (Banana tell me the Wilbur Cross or Merritt aren’t dark lol)

It’s been a really nice trip though. A total change of pace in a beautiful forest.

charlotte989875 · August 20

Work has been absolute chaos for the last two weeks. On-site last week, then one of the key processes my team relies on broke Thursday and we’ve been scrambling since then. It’s been crazy and I’m really ready for a break!

banana468 · August 20

ei34 said:

We went a little off the grid the last few days but heading home later today. I’m usually all about the crack of dawn rides but have wanted to try a later departure. I could never do NY -> NH 4-10pm bc I’m a big city baby and can’t function if roads aren’t super well-lit, and I know for a fact that roads up here are not. Basically any situation where I have to use my brights is terrifying 😝 (Banana tell me the Wilbur Cross or Merritt aren’t dark lol)

It’s been a really nice trip though. A total change of pace in a beautiful forest.

I LOVE the Merritt!!

But it can be dark. What I like is when I use my own lights vs. try to compete with the street lights. There are sections that I'll high beam away when we're on the way home from seeing family and in general I'm far more white-knuckled driving on 95 even with all the lights because it is just a terrible terrible highway.

Watch those entrance ramps that begin from a stop sign! There used to be one like that near my parents' house and my 84 Buick Skyhawk couldn't compete!

CharmedPam · August 20

I hate night driving too!
But mostly because those pesky cops are harder to spot from afar like they are in the day time.

So back in 2019 when I got my tummy tuck and incision scar done, he cut one side short and I had some flabby skin hanging from it. I’ve been asymmetrical this whole time. He even noticed it in follow ups, but didn’t offer a fix. It’s bothered me since then, but you can only see it while I’m naked, not with clothes on. It’s bad enough that the panty strap of a bikini type bottom will show the hanging skin from it. One side only.
i did cool sculpting on my chin in 2016, and I remember it helping. I took to a groupon and found a good deal for cool sculpting plus I can stack coupons and % off’s. When I got to the clinic yesterday the doctor was like “is this fat or loose skin?”
um. You tell me. You’re the doctor!

So she told me she didn’t know if it was fat or loose skin but cool sculpting only works on fat cells so she can TRY to do the area but if nothing happens it’s just skin then, and there’s no guarantee. Thats fine. I’m willing to try anything because loose skin means lipo or something more invasive, which I don’t want to do. When it was over she said 4-6 weeks, I’d see a difference if it was really fat.

Um. I woke up TODAY and noticed a huge difference. My sides are symmetrical again!!!! Already! My “bad” side is now my “good side” lol.

levioosa · August 20

My biggest beef with the Merritt is the outrageous idea that you should somehow accelerate from 0 to 60 within like 15 feet. Downtown LA and Pasadena have some entrances and exits like that too. Cool, that worked in 1920 when it took cars like 30 seconds to hit 40 mph and we still had horse drawn carriages in some places, but now I feel like I'm trying to cheat death on the onramp. My other beef with the Merritt is the deer, which is really just an issue I don't deal with often because I live in an area where most of my driving is completely removed from nature.

Work today. I was dreading it initially because I knew I had a difficult patient scheduled who, spoiler alert, did turn out to be difficult again. I pre-emptively reached out to admin about the inevitable complaint. I am sleepy today. H is sick. I made him take a COVID test which was negative. I'm trying my best to stay away because there's for sure not enough time in between now and our trip in a week for me to get sick and then recover. If I get sick before this trip too I will be so upset. I will feel cursed. I also begrudgingly scaled back on my workouts because I don't want to run my body down unnecessarily when there's already someone sick in the house.

@ILoveBeachMusic I'm sorry to hear about your church. I'm glad no one was hurt.

We also found a tiny kitten in the back yard and we managed to catch her (very easily I might add). She's probably around 5-6 weeks and is so tiny she fits in my hand. She's still spicy but you can hold her without the spice which is a good sign. Unfortunately we leave next week which is a real bummer because I bet in two weeks she would be a total sweetie with proper care and handling. She's so friggen cute. We call her Tapioca.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020756/uploads/editor/32/ck2bcbahbrng.jpg

VarunaTT · August 20

That kitten is adorable, @levioosa. Are you going to keep her?

Sorry, this is long and I didn't realize until I stopped typing.

Life is going okay. I think I might've broken my mother. The fight on Monday was bad: she says I'm trying to control her b/c I've said her extended coughing, that I very much suspect is from her blood pressure medication, is not okay with her interstitial lung disease. We just got her PFTs back and they're the same, so the disease isn't progressing at this time. She is just refusing to even speak to her doctor about the possibility of changing BP meds. Look, I know my mom is on the short end of life. I pointed out that she didn't have to die suffocating and in discomfort, talk to the doctor and change the damn med. I think she is severely depressed and passively suicidal (in my armchair diagnosis). I think it's been since dad died and we're sitting on 3 year anniversary. There's always a lot of "I have to plan for short term" and "I'm probably not going to make it to 92" (when almost all of the women in her family have passed). I haven't pushed anything about this and don't intend to, but I am trying to adjust my behaviors and expectations with that knowledge.

So she hasn't talked to me without me starting the conversation since Monday. She also just left on Tuesday without telling me. Please note, I don't really give AF how she comes and goes, she'll text me or someone will call if something goes wrong. I haven't observed sundowning, so for now, it's okay for me to not be all up in her daily schedule. BUT, she would freak TF out if I did the same to her and call me disrespectful. And honestly, I'm sort of laughing about the whole thing while feeling bad. I am a full on representation on her failing body/mind. I get that. I can't even imagine how shitty this life transition must feel. AND....I'm not your target for these things. But behaving like you're 16 and fighting mom over independence ain't it, ma'am. So, I'm just living how I always would and she can simmer in her anger and other negative emotions. I might try to talk to her, but I'm really struggling managing my own mental health/emotions and I'm not sure of my ability to do that right now.

Finally, BFF has hooked me up with a therapy resource, hopefully. It's his therapist. They are in a much bigger city, she is a queer woman, and progressive in politics, so hopefully she can either give me a recommendation OR she'll take me as a patient online. I'm not super ecstatic about being online, but that will be better than what it is now.

Saw Malcolm X in the theatre again last night. Honestly, it made me feel like shit. SO MUCH is the exact same. There's a clip of the Rodney King beating shown and I was like, Oh. We get much better video of police brutality now and still nothing happens. Also, Denzel and Angela look almost exactly the same. So does Delroy Lindo. Giancarlo Esposito is in it as well and he looks a lot younger, but there was a scene that I was like, Ah, there is Gus Fring (Breaking Bad). Good to see on the big screen again, but it reminded me that in the 90s we were attempting to understand and tackle systemic racism and now we've gone so far backwards.

levioosa · August 20

*Hugs* @VarunaTT I hope the new therapist resource is helpful. It's so hard to feel like you are trapped in a caregiving spiral with limited control while they expect you to move heaven and earth for their needs while not taking any responsibility (whether due to cognition or stubbornness it all just ends up feeling the same). Going to a few caregiver support meetings now may be helpful, especially for identifying some resources that you may not need now (like respite services, in home care, meals, etc) but that you may need in the future. I hope you are giving yourself grace. This has all been a huge change. You are doing your best and your best is enough.

Also, can you slip an air tag into her purse? Or put a tracking app on her phone so at least you can see where she is? We have one for my grandparents. It's been how we are able to see if he's getting lost. One time he disappeared in San Francisco while on vacation and it was the only way we could find him. I know it feels like an intrusion but it may be a safety concern sooner than later.

CharmedPam · August 20

I want Tapioca!!! Sooo cute

but no, you live too far and also, I’d be a terrible pet owner.

i’m sorry you’re going through this, @VarunaTT, I know moving in with mom was supposed to alleviate a lot of financial stress but you’re getting emotional stress in return. I hope therapy can help and give you some coping mechanisms. I really do think that of someone in a certain field can’t help you, they should do whats right for the client and direct you to a colleague who can. I know my old one did when I was in couples counseling.

banana468 · August 20

@levioosa I turned 16 in 1996 and the 1984 Skyhawk was my first car. Accelerating from 0 to 65 wasn't possible on the closest entrance ramp so I would have to use the entrance that was a mile further away in the hopes of survival. It's still rough but at least I know drive cars that can actually manage.

The deer are something else. I told my kids there are two kinds of people around here and it applies to the Merritt too. Those who have hit a deer and those who haven't hit one YET. FIL hit a few and it just seems to come with the territory.

I am beat. My direct report gave his notice yesterday and it's a mixed bag. In some ways it solves problems but it creates more and I'm burning out.

I'm picking up a lot of the slack while DH doesn't feel well and it's rough. Today Chiquita got in the car and told me that she took it upon herself to get a ride to the school for a soccer game she has tomorrow and on one hand I'm glad she did and on the other, it made me want to cry because I think she knows that I'm getting snippy with everyone.

short+sassy · August 21

@CharmedPam, I'm glad the cool sculpting worked for your side!

@VarunaTT, I'm sorry to hear your mom is having such strong mental health issues and it's hurting you also. I hope the therapist resource your BFF gave you will be helpful. Would your mom be open to going to therapy? Or has she spoken to her doctor about her depression? Maybe therapy, potentially with meds, could help feel better and more at peace.

CharmedPam · August 21

It helped immensely. But I hope I didn’t shoot myself in the foot. I DID give them a 5 star rating but the receptionist was the rudest and most slowest person I ever met. So my review was:

“Once you get past the colder than cold receptionist, you’re in good hands with the doctor. I was pleased with my procedure”

But then you get a message after leaving them a review that you can buy this a few times. Ummmm I saved a lot of money and it worked i hope if I ever have to use them again, that ice cold receptionist doesn’t know it was me who slammed her. She’d make me wait 1 hour if she put 2 and 2 together.

ei34 · August 21

@levioosa wait, are you from the East Coast?

levioosa · August 21

@ei34 I'm not, but I used to spend a lot of time in CT with my ex's family and I even lived in the Adironacks for a summer so I'm pretty familiar with the area. I don't miss him but I do miss staying over there and how green everything is for most of the year. Everything here is just dead and dry all the time. Also seasons. I'd love marginally more seasons.

banana468 · August 21

levioosa said:

@ei34 I'm not, but I used to spend a lot of time in CT with my ex's family and I even lived in the Adironacks for a summer so I'm pretty familiar with the area. I don't miss him but I do miss staying over there and how green everything is for most of the year. Everything here is just dead and dry all the time. Also seasons. I'd love marginally more seasons.

Sometimes you get 4 in a week here.

CharmedPam · August 21

banana468 said:

levioosa said:

@ei34 I'm not, but I used to spend a lot of time in CT with my ex's family and I even lived in the Adironacks for a summer so I'm pretty familiar with the area. I don't miss him but I do miss staying over there and how green everything is for most of the year. Everything here is just dead and dry all the time. Also seasons. I'd love marginally more seasons.

Sometimes you get 4 in a week here.

You ain’t kidding

ei34 · August 22

@levioosa got it. Yes I was just confused for a moment, that was very intimate knowledge. I love the green too. And love the distinct seasons although to ditto banana the extremes close together could chill out a bit lol

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