Prudie Day

ei34 · August 21

How’s everyone doing today? Is it rainy and dreary by anyone else? (Not that I mind the cool temp)

ei34 · August 21

I’m back, back in the New York groove..
Wonderful vacation but it’s always really nice to be home too. Unpacking and laundry are underway and I have to get to the grocery store soon.

@banana468 I was given Wilbur Cross, not the Merritt, but it was a dark and terrifying half hour nonetheless. Hitting the I-95 with lights was a relief lol. I’d definitely drive home in the evening again though, it took from 4:30-10 but felt quicker. Maybe I’d leave at 3:30 to try and get to NY before sunset. (Though yesterday was pretty rainy.)

banana468 · August 21

@ei34 Wilbur Cross becomes the Merritt in Stratford, CT. If you crossed the bridge and saw Sikorsky Aircraft to your right as you went down the highway it became the Merritt there. It may have had you switching to 95 right around that location if you took a connector and then it's 95 into NY by way of Bridgeport.

The entire stretch there during rush hour is awful. It wasn't unheard of for a 20 minute ride to take 45 minutes. We get shore traffic out here and weekends are ROUGH. I am still salty 10 years later that my aunt planned my grandmother's funeral for the Friday before Labor Day in Bridgeport. My hour ride home was an hour and 40 minutes.

I'm watching the weather. It's beautiful and crisp and sunny but the waves are churning and the Block Island ferries are cancelled today. We're supposed to go on Saturday and I'm crossing fingers that the sea cooperates.

VarunaTT · August 21

Welp, things came to a head last night. I've applied for an apartment and will be moving out as fast as I can. Last night she tried to yell at me and then she said, "I don't even know how you ended up here, I didn't need help." I said, What? and she told me that the way she remembers this is that I just told her on a fall Sunday that I was moving in and she had no say in it. I asked her if she thought I was the sort of person who would just move into her house like that and she said yes. She's been removing me from her legal documents b/c she's so convinced I'm trying to control her. So, I'm moving out and once I'm out, I'll make sure I'm off everything. To be frank, I feel like I'm in some sort of danger now that she's said that (not physical, but something, IDK). So I'm getting out as fast as possible. I'm here to work and staying at a friends (with Harley) the other hours. IDK what things look like for our relationship after that. She and my aunt have joined forces in this.

So, just waiting to hear back from the application. Hopefully, they'll do this quickly and I can at least get my bedroom and office moved quickly. I'm moving into a small studio, but at least it'll be my space again. Knowing that I'm moving has taken such a weight off my shoulder; I knew I was miserable, but I didn't realize how miserable.

Otherwise, I've come into work and I'm just trying to not beat myself up or second guess myself.

banana468 · August 21

@VarunaTT is there a larger chance that she's spiraling into a lack of cognition? It still makes sense that you wouldn't stay there but situations like that make me wonder what kind of mental illness is potentially at play. Regardless you do need to look out for yourself - good luck!!

CharmedPam · August 21

I’m sorry it has come to that @VarunaTT. Best to be on your own, but I also wonder if your mom is just not remembering things the way they are. Hopefully the relationship can be repaired once things settle.

Welcome back to regular life @ei34. Vacations are bittersweet for me too. On one hand, I love them and my time with whomever I’m with. On the other, I also don’t mind being alone and I love my bed.

i had trivia yesterday and I’m just mad at everyone. Last time I hosted, I reserved a table for 10. 6 showed. I got a comment about how hard it was to hold a table.

This time around I had 12 people going and 2 waitlisted on Monday. Tuesday I had 2 people drop out, so 12 but the two waitlisted people probably didn’t know they got added. Then yesterday, throughout the day, 6 more dropped. Some without excuses and some with.
One thought she was OK mentally but it was the 10 year anniversary of her late husbands death. She couldn’t go out.
The group organizer even backed out. Her nieces’ husband passed away and she wanted to be there for her.
One needed a covid test done for an upcoming procedure and found out she was positive.
And the best one - one couldn’t find her keys.

How many are true? Who knows? People lie. I feel like a lot sign up all ready when I post it, but just don’t want to go out the day of. It’s not fair. 14 to 4?!? I didn’t reserve a table, so no reprimanding for that. We actually had fun, the four of us and it was better to agree on answers that way. But when I make room for 12 I expect 6-8. I also feel like no one cancels on the group organizer when she posts trivia. She also puts in bold that no shows will be removed. However - if you put yourself as a “no” - even just a few hours before the event starts, you’re not a no show I guess? Ugh. Annoying. Just commit to what you said you’d go to, people. I have to. All the time I have to!

VarunaTT · August 21

@banana468 I am very worried about that. I don't know what I can do though. The rest of the family is teaming up with her about this, so they can handle it now. She has always been paranoid and I've known for awhile her memory was slipping. But to have it flipped and targeted to me is a new thing.

MNNEBride · August 21

@VarunaTT - I'm so sorry this is happening and is so disruptive to you (and her). I'm going to guess that your mom's reaction is part of the depression and/or dementia. Regardless, it's tough.

I'm working on-site today. I love that I can control the AC here, as DH is insisting on having it set at 75 degrees at home and off at night. It might be OK for just sitting and watching TV, but it's too warm for me. Thank God for ceiling fans in my office and bedroom.

ei34 · August 21

*hugs* @VarunaTT that’s terrible. I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. Especially since you loved your old place, and the move was coming from such a place of kindness in your own heart. Hoping you find a place very soon and smart to remove yourself from everything
@banana468 I hope that the water behaves this Saturday. Beaches here have been closed to swimmers for a couple of days.
@CharmedPam 14 to 4 is ridiculous. I think (not that anyone asked lol) that changing your RSVP same day/in the hours leading up is pretty no show adjacent, honestly

levioosa · August 21

I'm so sorry @VarunaTT. You completely upended your life for this and gave up an apartment you really enjoyed. This is probably the dementia or depression but you have to take care of yourself too. I hope Aunt is prepared to deal with all of this fall out. And a few weeks or months from now when she (perhaps) accuses you of abandoning her when she needs help, don't let the guilt eat at you. You were trying, but there has to be a willingness to accept help too. I hate dementia so much. Start to finish it's gutting. Then there is that terrible in between period where the person is cognizant enough to look competent on the surface, but they continue to make destructive choices with long term impacts because they literally can't process consequences or nuance. And because they're still competent appearing, family members have their hands tied with how much they can help or do. I'm so sorry you're having to do this, and I know it's extra hard because it's just you. All of the hugs.

VarunaTT · August 21

Y'all, the gaslighting is insane. I've told her that I should be out probably by this weekend, but not sure about all my stuff. She is backpedaling so damn hard and I'm just watching this with my mouth open. Like, you said I destroyed your life, why do you want me here now? I've also informed her she has to remove me from all of her legal access. She asked why and I said, Now I'm afraid something will happen to you and I will be blamed. She said, Well, that's the risk everyone takes. I said, "I'm no longer willing to take it for you after what you've said to me and to others about me". And she's worried about her dishes because when I moved in, she offered up getting rid of all of her kitchen stuff for mine, so we did. I said I'd leave mine here until she either bought new ones or she could buy mine, but that I wouldn't be figuring this out for her. She keeps launching into new questions and I just keep responding, "That's not your problem".

I did tell her that I'm not angry and I don't hate her, but if we still want to have a relationship, I won't live with her. Then I laughed at myself, b/c my brain went, "Well, well, well....if it isn't the consequences of her actions". I literally left the house last night and slept somewhere else and you're shocked I walked in with a game plan on how to protect myself. Honestly, this is just more proof that she's not firing on all cylinders, but it's someone else's problem now.

Also, I've blocked my aunt from all access to me electronically, for my own protection. And friends are stepping up to help as word gets out. Thanks for listening to me you guys and supporting me. I feel crazy as all hell, but my friends who I would trust to call me out are like, Nope, go. I feel like y'all would too, so thank you as well.

short+sassy · August 21

@VarunaTT, I'm sorry to hear it has come to this. I know it was emotional for you to move in with her to begin with, plus a lot of work and hassle. It made a lot of sense on paper. I hope your apartment approval comes through soon and your move goes as quickly and smoothly as it can.

You did your best to help her. Please take care of yourself also.

charlotte989875 · August 21

Oh @VarunaTT I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Hoping the approval and move out goes okay.

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