Dear Prudence,
I am in my late forties and the survivor of multiple remarriages—family is family until the parents stop fucking. “Amy” is the stepdaughter of my former stepbrother. He and I grew up together but not close. Amy and I grew close because she chose a college near me, and we had similar interests in theater and music. Our parents got divorced the same year as my stepbrother left Amy’s mom for a girl that was only seven years older than Amy. Amy did not handle this well because my stepbrother basically dropped her like a hot potato, her biological dad was gone, and her mom was a basket case. I had her move in with me—and she is still here eight years later.
She pays rent and is pursuing a creative career that I support. We travel and have fun together. She is gay. I am not. My family finds our lives together weird. Especially my mother—despite being Amy’s “grandmother” for over a decade, she is distant to Amy and thinks I need to be a better aunt to the kids of my sister and half-sister. I finally snapped and told her my sister is a religious nut, my half-sister is raising feral brats, and we were never close unless they needed money. And maybe, just maybe look in a mirror, because she was the first one to talk a big game about kids not being replaceable, but she replaced her stepkids and stepgrandkids easily enough.
My mother is basically the one relative I am trying to keep closest to. But she isn’t taking my calls. Amy is having her own issues with her mom and I don’t want to burden her. I have tried therapy and got burned, even by a liberal grade-A recommended therapist. What should I do?
—Depressed in Dallas