Wedding Woes

You did nothing wrong

Dear Prudence,

I missed my daughter’s wedding due to a medical emergency. I had to have an immediate surgery that had a long recovery time. She was getting married overseas, and I couldn’t even sit up and walk without help. I saw the ceremony via Zoom and thought my daughter understood the circumstances.

We recently fought, and she called me a horrid mother. She said I didn’t even try to see her get married, and it was a mistake for her to even bother with me now. My daughter has always had a quick temper, but she has never stooped so low. If she slapped me, it would have hurt less. I divorced her father after he spent years verbally abusing me like that. She later apologized, but since then, she has made the same accusation against me several more times.

Recently, she did it on a family vacation in front of her siblings. It started a huge fight, and my son asked my daughter to leave early. Now her sister doesn’t want her at her upcoming wedding, where she was to be the maid of honor. She hasn’t told her sister yet, but my daughter is refusing to apologize and has said she is owed an apology instead of being kicked out by her brother. I don’t know what to do here. I feel like every move is the wrong one. Help!

—Missed Wedding

Re: You did nothing wrong

  • Your daughter is a selfish person who is refusing to acknowledge any reality except for her own.

    I'd be honest with your daughter, "You brought up an issue that we previously discussed, is hurtful and out of my control.  I am sorry I missed your wedding but it was a medical emergency that prevented this.  If you cannot accept that I wish you a great therapist because you continuing to dig up things that cannot be changed and blaming me for it is only going to alienate you from me and anyone else who is fully aware of what happened.  This mess is entirely of your making." 
  • Don't try to force a happy family. Give daughter some space and let her be. She doesn't deserve an apology and she needs to see that she won't be getting one.  Let your other children do what they want; they deserve to choose whether or not they want to talk to their awful sister. 
  • The LW can tell her other children that she doesn't want what their sister said to hurt their relationships.  But everyone is an adult and the siblings can choose for themselves how they want to handle it.  The LW especially needs to let that part go.

    They've seen how mean-spirited and cruel their sister can be, even when someone is faultless.  They've probably been targets of it themselves, since the LW mentioned that daughter has a quick temper.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Sister is getting a taste of consequences. Stay out of it, LW. You didn't do anything wrong. 


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