Dear Prudence,
My daughter (25) is currently completing her master’s degree in an incredibly rigorous program, and I (49) am working on continuing education requirements for my license. When possible, we work together at my place just so we can spend time together while staying productive.
Her husband (32) recently invited me over to their place, offering to make us coffee while we studied. He’s been grinding his own beans and experimenting with different blends, so he was eager to share. My daughter, though hesitant about getting distracted, agreed to the idea of a little social hour, appreciating the chance to be in the same space. When I arrived, the coffee was ready in her office for all of us, and she had a little workstation set up for me. He spent a few minutes with us catching up before stepping out. The coffee was great, we got to work, and life was good.
About an hour later, he came back in, saying he felt amazing and asked how we were doing. My daughter said she felt good, and I agreed, mentioning how the coffee hadn’t made me jittery which I appreciated. We worked for two hours, and then I left to meet my husband, who had just gotten off work. Later that evening, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across a meme that made me burst out laughing, and not just at the video, but the comments that followed. I was enjoying it so much that my husband chuckled and asked if I was okay. I brushed it off, saying the comments were just hilarious. But a few minutes later, while watching TV, I felt my mouth go slack and realized I was completely zoning out. That’s when it hit me. I know this feeling. I’m high.
How did this happen? What did I do? I replayed the day in my mind. I had just started HRT. Was it a weird reaction? Was it something I ate? And then it clicked. The coffee.
I remembered my daughter casually offering to add a little THC syrup to my coffee after I had already started drinking it. I declined, telling her I had just started medication and didn’t want to mix anything. I also remembered her husband coming back into the room, talking about how great he felt that he was trying to see if it had kicked in for me? My mind started racing. Why would he do this? He’s been pushy in the past, but never like this. They’ve always offered things, and when I said no to gummies or edibles, they respected it. Or so I thought.
I didn’t want to tell my husband yet. He would be rightfully furious, and considering their already tense relationship, it would be a blow-up for sure. Maybe I was overreacting. I decided to sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning. My chest was tight, but otherwise, I was okay. It wasn’t the high itself that upset me, it was the betrayal. The manipulation. The disrespect. I didn’t want to accuse anyone without proof, especially if they denied it. But I needed to know. I bought a drug test just to be sure and wouldn’t you know it? Traces of THC showed up in my urine. I was heartbroken.
I don’t know what to make of this. I don’t know what to do. My daughter is overwhelmed with finals, and I don’t want to dump this on her right now, but she needs to know. I called my mother for advice, and she told me to talk to my daughter first. Ask if she had anything to do with it. If she did, then the three of us can sit down and talk about it together. I want to share this with my husband, but I also don’t want to widen the divide between him and our daughter’s husband. This is not okay. I know that. But this conversation will likely erupt. Will he deny it? Probably. Will he downplay it? Almost certainly.
I took photos of the test. Thankfully, I’m not drug tested for work, but what if I had been pulled over on my way home? Just because they enjoy their THC gummies doesn’t mean I have to. I’ve never stopped them from doing what they want, but I’ve been clear that at this stage in my life, I’m not interested in feeling buzzed in the middle of the day. I still can’t believe it happened. Where do we go from here?