Wedding Woes

You have to leave

Dear Prudence,

My fiancée is getting paranoid enough to put our relationship out of commission. She recently found out her ex-husband had cheated on her, and since then, she has been trying to control my every move.

She doesn’t want me to work late shifts with my female co-workers, even though we are trying to save for a wedding. I ran into one of my exes with her daughters at the farmers market, and we chatted a little bit while her kids petted my dog. It was perfectly innocent and wasn’t even a 15-minute conversation, but my fiancée is giving me the third degree over it. I asked her if she wanted to lie to her face then, because it wasn’t like I planned to see her, and who takes your kids on a date? She got very upset and refused to go to counseling with me.

I feel like I am living in a prison for someone else’s crimes. Worst of all, my best friend is married to one of my college exes. They’ve been together for a decade, and I was the one who introduced them. They never met my fiancée, and we are planning on driving to see them on their summer road trip. I am dreading how my fiancée will react to my friend’s wife. I love her and have never been unfaithful in my life, but this can’t keep going like this. Help!

Re: You have to leave

  • Couples counseling so she can get some tools on how to deal with her past and feelings 

  • Massive counseling needed here with likely a need for an ultimatum if that doesn't work.  At minimum I'd tell her that you're not making wedding plans in this state.

    It absolutely sucks to be cheated on.   BELIEVE me I get it although I wasn't married to the guy who did it.  But that doesn't mean that because one person betrayed your trust now everyone will and in an adult relationship you don't try to control the actions of another person.

    Counseling with an attempt to change or there is no more fiance. 
  • She's already said she's not willing to do counselling. It's time to end it. 

    I get why she's feeling completely blindsided and messed up. But if she's not in a place to realize that she can't punish her current for the actions of her former, she's not in a place to get married. 
  • Being upset and blindsided is one thing; taking it out on your partner is another. You don’t deserve this and you need to be clear with her that she gets her reactions under control or you’re not getting married. Her feelings about valid, but her behavior is way out of line. 
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