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IS the kids safety being affected?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

My sister and her ex are in the middle of a nasty custody battle. She’s obviously going through a very tough time, but I’ve seen some troubling signs that make me think that it may be for the best if her kids stay with their dad. The family moved in with me after the breakup and her behavior has been erratic ever since.

She yells at the kids, has been hooking up with some very dubious guys, and is both drinking too much and taking recreational drugs when my nephews are with their dad. Both of the boys have told me that their mom scares them at times. Their dad isn’t all that great either, but he is sober and stable. Part of me wants to speak up for my nephews, but my sister would never forgive me if I did so, and I wouldn’t blame her for that. What’s the right thing to do here? I’ve asked her to get help, but she’s currently so sad and full of rage that she’s not really listening to advice.

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Re: IS the kids safety being affected?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Tough love.  

    Tell her that you are watching what she's doing which is not safe.  Recreational use is an extremely slippery slope and I'd never forgive myself for not speaking up if I thought "it's only while they're with dad" only to find out that mom was high at pick up and crashed the car.

    This would be ultimatum territory for me and I'd be up front that you'll talk to the authorities. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Who is it that you want to speak up to? If it's a big custody battle, sometimes there is a Guardian Ad Litem who investigates. If that person exists, you might be able to share some concerns without necessarily saying your sister shouldn't have her kids. 

    This doesn't sound great, but it doesn't sound like it's rising to the level of CPS either. Unless someone is asking you to testify as a witness, there aren't a lot of opportunities for outsiders to voice an opinion in a custody battle. 
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think you listen to your nephews. They feel scared- what’s causing that? Can you figure out how and when they’re scared and help them find a way to tell their mom? CPs, the courts, authorities aren’t necessarily going to get to the heart of what they’re feeling and why. But if you are a safe trusted adult there’s a role for you to do that. 
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