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Lots of "everyone looks different" talks beforehand?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My brother is a lovely guy but he looks quite “different.”

He has an addiction to body art and modifications. He’s tattooed almost every inch of his body, including his eyeballs, and has dozens of piercings, subdermal implants, brands, self-inflicted scars, and dental mods to give him sharp-looking teeth.

We only met up over Christmas, but my kids are TERRIFIED of him. The youngest had nightmares and was wetting the bed for weeks after our last holiday together. We’ve tried to explain that he’s nice, but it just doesn’t seem to get through. As the holidays approach, I am trying to navigate reintroducing our 5- and seven-year-old to their uncle. They’re having none of it. Should I just call it off? I want them to know the lovely boy I grew up with, he’s really fun and playful, but not at the cost of traumatizing them.

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Re: Lots of "everyone looks different" talks beforehand?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Can you do more video chat conversations?   Talk to your kids and him at the same time? 

    The kids may learn a bit more as they get older but it's going to need to come with talks and exposure and your brother's input on who he is.

    That said, there's a judgy part of me that wants to say "Dude, if you don't want people to be frightened then don't modify yourself (like the teeth) to the point that you look so different to a child."  At that age I was terrified of vampires so sharp teeth would freak me o ut. 
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  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I did not know that eyeballs could be tattooed. I have questions.

    Anyway, if your youngest was so scared that they were having nightmares and wetting the bed, I think you should give the kids some more time before trying to reintroduce them to your brother. I can't really blame them for not being convinced by your just saying that he's nice (it wouldn't have worked on me at that age). And when you do, I think @banana468's suggestion of video chats is worth considering. Even that may take some convincing for your children, but at least if he isn't right in the room with them, he may eventually not seem quite as scary or threatening.
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