Dear Prudence,
My husband, “Brad,” and I have been struggling with trying to conceive for the past four years. Brad survived cancer as a child, but had chemo. He was told he would likely not be able to father children, and sadly, it looks as though the doctors were correct.
Brad has an identical twin brother, “Manny.” The thing is that Manny and I briefly dated while we were in college until I met Brad, and we went our separate ways, as Brad and I were a much better fit personality-wise. Brad and I have spent so much on IVF that we don’t have any more funds to use.
Yesterday, Brad came to me with a proposal that left me stunned: He wants me to sleep with Manny so I can get pregnant! His rationale is that because he and Manny share identical DNA, it would essentially be the same thing as his own sperm (my brother-in-law has no fertility issues; he has two naturally-conceived kids, and is divorced). Brad has already approached Manny and said he would go along with it if I were willing. We don’t have the money for IVF in a clinic using Manny as a donor. Brad has assured me he has no problem with me sleeping with his brother if it means we can have a child. My first impulse is to shoot down this idea, but there is a small part of me that thinks maybe it’s crazy enough to work. Could this really be the solution we’ve been looking for?