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Wedding Woes

Keep reaching out

Dear Prudence,

Since my mother-in-law’s passing, my husband’s siblings and father have essentially all gone in their own directions. This has been quite difficult, as we have three young children. No one checks in on us to see how we are doing, including my father-in-law, who never asks to speak with or see his grandchildren. My FIL regularly sees his two other children and grandchildren, yet oftentimes if my husband calls or texts he rarely answers or responds. This has been hurtful and difficult for us and created some tension with extended family. I’m just looking for general guidance on how to navigate this. We don’t want to have a big confrontation or go no contact. When my MIL was alive, the circumstances were dramatically different.

—Blind Sided

Re: Keep reaching out

  • Sometimes, you just have to realize that keeping in touch with family members isn't as important to some people.  It sucks and it hurts, but there's nothing to be done about it.  I'd expend my energy on supporting my husband and seeing family members who do care, rather than chasing someone who doesn't.
  • This is my FIL. He's just not that interested in keeping a close relationship with his kids. My H accepted long ago that this is just how his dad is, and doesn't expect anything from him. 

    There's nothing to confront or turn into conflict. It might be painful, but the H needs to accept that having a close relationship is just not something his family cares about for whatever reason. LW needs to accept that this is not about her and just focus on supporting the mourning husband.  
  • Sometimes there's that one person that was the glue for the family. It really sucks. Keep reaching out but realize there may not be much of a relationship without that common denominator.


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  • This is hard.  It may also be that with the FIL having lost his spouse it's a loss of direction.

    We have had this now on both sides when the grandmothers passed.   My mom and dad were closer to their siblings but MIL basically cut off her sister and FIL definitely saw a rift in the family.

    In situations like this it's also often that a new person needs to pick up the task of keeping people together.  And it's hard when you're full on in sandwichville and trying to keep your own kids' things together.   
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