Dear Prudence,
I was briefly engaged to “Matt,” but ultimately found that his small kids were really difficult and the way he and his ex co-parented was not setting anyone up for consistency, boundaries, or getting needed therapy. I didn’t want to be an evil stepmother. I saw the writing on the wall and broke it off. I’m now much happier, married to my wonderful husband, and parenting our toddlers together. At this point, Matt’s an acquaintance, since we live in a small place and didn’t part on bad terms. His ex recently overdosed, which is horrible especially for the kids, now teenagers. We went to the service because again: small town, small world.
But recently Matt reached out and requested we take responsibility for his kids in the event of his death. Guardianship is a big deal and we were surprised. Just because I know them doesn’t mean I’m interested or able to care for them, and my husband wants it even less. They’re old enough that it’s very unlikely this will be needed, but we politely declined and suggested he go with someone who knows them better. He came back more persistently. I get that the death of his ex probably set him on edge about this stuff, but I’m neither qualified (his kids were, and are, a handful) nor interested. He has both family and friends, and we are neither. And we specifically split because of major differences in parenting! How do we politely yet firmly get this through? It’s cold, but it is also true. Please pick someone else!