You could have had more tact

Re: You could have had more tact

• banana468 member

  

  October 30

  Well, you're absurd for sending invitations in October for a February wedding so perhaps you're both lacking sense.
  
  I have mixed feelings.  Partly I think a Valentine's Day wedding is just a terrible idea in general and before you plan a wedding you check the date with the VIPs.
  You hopefully don't pick a day that rubs salt in the wounds of others.
  
  But eventually you also need to move on.
  
  Tell sister you'll miss her.  

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• levioosa member

  

  October 30

  I could be the odd man out here, but I don't think I'd plan a wedding on a date where I knew there was a painful memory for a loved one. It's not some rando date like October 4th for a second cousin once removed. It's Valentine's Day, and her sister had her cheating H run off with her BFF. That's a pretty traumatizing day. So yes, sister is being a lot, but I don't think LW was the kindest in choosing that date either. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• banana468 member

  

  October 30

  levioosa said:

  I could be the odd man out here, but I don't think I'd plan a wedding on a date where I knew there was a painful memory for a loved one. It's not some rando date like October 4th for a second cousin once removed. It's Valentine's Day, and her sister had her cheating H run off with her BFF. That's a pretty traumatizing day. So yes, sister is being a lot, but I don't think LW was the kindest in choosing that date either. 

  This is why I have those mixed feelings.  And to add to it, I don't know that I want to go to a wedding on Valentine's Day and I'm happily in love.
  
  So while the LW can't really do much I kind of think the decision was made in a jerky way and if the letter was written this year what are they doing sending invitations now?  It just seems a little self centered. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  October 30

  I don't think the LW and her fiance should change the date of their wedding, since payments have already been put down and invitations were sent, albeit so weirdly mega-early.
  
  Sydney shouldn't be getting as angry as she is, but that might be more from the LW's attitude than the wedding date.  
  
  Negative mark #2 that the couple didn't check with VIPs on dates.  But since they didn't, the LW could have been more tactful and explained to her sister that she didn't realize she would still have such strong feelings about the date.  But unfortunately, everything has been booked and invitations were sent out, so they can't change it.
  
  Instead, the LW was totally dismissive of her sister's feelings and essentially told her she was being insane and to get over it.
  
  This is Sydney's decision and the LW shouldn't try to talk her out of it.  I wouldn't blame Sydney at all for choosing to not go to the wedding.  But being an uncaring AH to your sister isn't the "win", the LW thinks it is.

  

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  October 30

  Wow you’re kind of an AH. Not for choosing a date that is at minimum a holiday when people tend to have their own plans. But for how you’re talking about your sister.
  
  You chose a date that is personally painful for her and your expecting her to be thrilled about going to an event that is solely about love and marriage- that’s harsh.
  
  You don’t have to change the date but also don’t be surprised if she’s not the only one who isn’t thrilled about it.

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• short+sassy member

  

  October 30

  charlotte989875 said:

  Wow you’re kind of an AH. Not for choosing a date that is at minimum a holiday when people tend to have their own plans. But for how you’re talking about your sister.
  
  You chose a date that is personally painful for her and your expecting her to be thrilled about going to an event that is solely about love and marriage- that’s harsh.
  
  You don’t have to change the date but also don’t be surprised if she’s not the only one who isn’t thrilled about it.

  I was thinking about this after I posted.
  
  I wouldn't be surprised either if some people RSVP "no", because they don't want to spend their own romantic Valentine's Day at someone else's wedding.  Or leave early.  Or attend but are inwardly annoyed about it.

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  October 30

  I have a hard time believing LW didn't know what she was doing when she picked the date. She's acting like Sydney is being completely irrational for not wanting to go to a wedding on a holiday that's the anniversary of her cheating husband running off with her best friend and acting like being still hurt after 5 years is somehow insanity. 
  
  I get unintentionally planning an event on the anniversary of a traumatic event, but there's no way in hell LW forgot that this happened to her sister on the holiday that is supposed to be about romance. I hope Sydney takes herself on a nice vacation instead and meets a mysterious sexy stranger.

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