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What's with all the hugging lately

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

My husband’s co-worker will randomly ask him for a hug. The first time it happened, he said she was crying and he thought he was making her happy by complying with her wish. My husband is not an affectionate person, and his behavior upsets me, since he isn’t this way with me. He also knows how I feel about “hugging,” since he doesn’t hug me. I feel I can no longer trust him. He feels he didn’t do anything wrong and it meant nothing. Why am I feeling hurt, and what should I do?

—Longing for Affection

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Re: What's with all the hugging lately

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well, there's some honesty here so give some credit.  But I'd question why he's compliant and why he doesn't see how inappropriate this is in the workplace.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    This is weird. If it was once when she was crying I would totally understand, but coming to him regularly for a hug is weird. I'm not sure it goes all the way to not being able to trust him, but I have concerns about this marriage. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is this the other side of the letter from a few weeks ago about the co-workers who hug platonically b/c of lack of affection from their partners?

    IDK, the world is getting hard and, as a single person, I remain touch starved all the time.  I'm pretty luck to have some friends, of all genders) who I can snuggle with, hold hands with, etc. and we don't make it weird. 

    I think the issue really is that husband is giving someone else something they need, that he refuses to give his wife? So yeah, that hurts and they need to discuss that.  I don't think it means he isn't trustworthy, but somehow needs aren't being communicated and/or met.
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It probably comes down to he feels comfortable telling his wife how he feels and that he doesn't like hugging but doesn't know how to say that to his coworker.  It's not an excuse, but that might be what is going on.

    I can understand when she was crying.  I hope he has also done that for his wife, but it doesn't sound like it.  He should have built up the courage for the second time the coworker asked to just say something simple like, "I'm sorry, I'm not usually a hug person and am not comfortable doing that."

    But if the LW likes to be hugged and having more affection, I don't know why she married this guy in the first place.  He's on the extreme end of a cold fish. 
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