Dear Prudence,
I’m writing because I’m deeply unsettled by something I recently discovered. I’m part of an open and consensual adult community that emphasizes honesty and communication. Recently, I connected with two people in that setting, and everything seemed respectful and mutually agreed upon.
Afterward, however, I learned something that has left me shaken.
The two people I was with are actually related. This information was never disclosed to me, and had I known, I never would have participated. I feel blindsided and violated, even though everything appeared aboveboard at the time. I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this knowledge. Should I confront them? Inform others in the community? Or should I simply walk away and focus on setting clearer boundaries for myself?
I’m not trying to judge anyone’s private life, but I also feel I was unknowingly put in a situation that crosses a major moral line. I want to act responsibly, but I don’t know what that looks like in this case.
—Disturbed and Disillusioned