Oh F you, dude

Casadena · November 6

Dear Prudence,

How do I convince my wife (36) that cleaning the kitchen is part of cooking? For the record, she’s a great cook and covers most meals in our house. But between us and our two kids (both of whom are picky eaters), she manages to use every pot and nearly every utensil. She won’t clean as she goes, and by the time she’s done bathing the kids and getting them to bed, she says she’s too tired and will just clean in the morning, which she does about 50 percent of the time. I was raised in a family where if you made a mess, it was your responsibility to clean up, and I’m trying to teach my kids the same thing, but I’m having some issues getting my wife on board. How can I phrase this so she’ll understand and not just get upset at me like she has in the past?

—Kitchen Confidential

VarunaTT · November 6

Huh. Wonder what this MFer does in the evenings? This is a "I didn't see my divorce coming" precursor letter.

downtondiva · November 6

If this is so important to you, why don't you either clean up the kitchen or take care the kids' baths and bedtime so your wife doesn't have to do both? You don't get to criticize her and then sit around all evening while she does everything.

levioosa · November 6

While it drives me a little bonkers that H is terrible at cooking and isn't proactive with trying to learn how to cook, the one thing I can say is he will always help me clean up the kitchen and ask what he can do while I'm cooking. It would send me into another dimension if he complained about the dishes while I cooked a whole ass meal.

charlotte989875 · November 6

What are you doing while she gives the kids baths?

And if she’s still bathing them (assuming this isn’t a Bunny MacDougal situation) then they’re little enough that they’re exhausting. So she’s doing all the cooking, all the cleaning, all or most of the child caretaking- tell me what exactly are you bringing to this family?

banana468 · November 6

This is why when women get divorced their quality of life goes up.

So so so glad this was not a battle I fight.

MyNameIsNot · November 6

The rule is one cooks, the other cleans. If you want her to do the dishes, you need to start cooking. And also, you need to bathe the kids and put them to bed while she's cleaning up.

short+sassy · November 6

Casadena said:

Dear Prudence,
How do I convince my wife (36) that cleaning the kitchen is part of cooking? For the record, she’s a great cook and covers most meals in our house. But between us and our two kids (both of whom are picky eaters), she manages to use every pot and nearly every utensil. She won’t clean as she goes, and by the time she’s done bathing the kids and getting them to bed, she says she’s too tired and will just clean in the morning, which she does about 50 percent of the time. I was raised in a family where if you made a mess, it was your responsibility to clean up, and I’m trying to teach my kids the same thing, but I’m having some issues getting my wife on board. How can I phrase this so she’ll understand and not just get upset at me like she has in the past?
—Kitchen Confidential

I feel like the arrangement in many households is, "You cook. I clean." He's pretending he has never heard that.

She's not making a PERSONAL mess and not cleaning it up!!!! It's a mess caused for the benefit of the FAMILY. He's the one who needs to understand this basic and obvious concept.

ei34 · November 7

This is so gross. Lmao at he's trying to teach his kids anything...I don't picture him very hands on at all. He's going to be blindsided by the divorce too.

Casadena · November 7

uuuugggh i hate this guy. H has issues with this kind of thing too sometimes and its infuriating. Just, way to miss the forest for the trees you know? Totally missing the nuance. I dont' have much to add that hasn't been said, I just hate him and wanted to write it down.

MesmrEwe · November 9

Sometimes the simple answer is so elusive - I don't know - maybe he and the kids could, wash the dishes together.... Or he could give the kids their baths... Just a thought...

At this point the wife also needs the "You make ONE meal. PERIOD!" this business of being a Short Order Cook has Doormat and People Pleaser written all over it! Barring a situation like food allergies or Sensory Processing Disorder situations, it is a-okay to make one meal and "This is what's for dinner! If you don't like it, there's a box of cereal and the milk is in the fridge!"... That'll cut down on the dishes right quick...

Oh F you, dude

Re: Oh F you, dude

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