Dear Prudence,
I am struggling to maintain sympathy for the father and grandmother of my 13-year-old daughter’s best friend, “Kayla.” Kayla has a chaotic home life. She and her two older sisters have suffered through two evictions this year alone, currently live in their grandma’s small one-bedroom apartment, and their father is chronically unemployed. She sleeps over multiple times a week, we take her to school, and we even bought her a new wardrobe when school began.
This isn’t enough. We don’t communicate with Kayla’s father after he attempted to get another “loan” out of us to “fix” his truck. Kayla had already let it slip, and the truck got repossessed. My husband said we didn’t have any more money to give, and her father went on a tear about how he was “good” for it, just down on his luck.
We have known this family for three years. Luck isn’t the problem. Her grandmother is constantly either asking for favors or making excuses for her son. She needs rides for the other girls when the high school is clear across town. I kid you not, we bought them some essentials, and the grandmother complained about the type of toilet paper we got them! Kayla is a sweet girl, but even if we limit our conversations with her father and grandmother, they use Kayla as their mouthpiece. It is draining, and it drags our other kids into conflict because they don’t get to have their friends over as much as Kayla. We have a nice life, but our grocery bill can’t handle being the new neighborhood rec center.
The holidays are coming up, and my husband wants to make an effort to wean Kayla out of our family life. Not entirely, but at least stop the multiple sleepovers. It hurts my heart to think of leaving Kayla out, but short of her moving in full-time and her family limiting contact, I don’t know what to do. This can’t go on. Help!