Dear Prudence,
My sister, “Sally,” and I have always been close, which means I’ve had a front row seat to her formerly chaotic dating life. There was an era all of Sally’s friends called “the soap opera year” because her romantic life was unbelievable. I was so happy when she finally got into a stable, loving relationship, although I was surprised that it wasn’t a monogamous one. It’s a relationship between two guys who are also with each other. It’s unusual, but they’ve all seemed very happy for five years. Everyone treats each other with love and thoughtfulness. Last year, they bought a house, and this summer, they’re planning legal documents and a traditional but symbolic marriage ceremony. Our extended family was slightly chilly in the first year they were together, but everyone has warmed up, or so I thought.
My husband never gelled with Sally or her fiancés, but they’ve always been friendly. But when she asked if our girls (5 and 7) could be flower girls in her wedding, he instantly said no. They were at his cousin’s wedding this past summer and loved it. When I tried to talk to him about it, he said the relationship was going to fall apart, and he didn’t want our kids to be part of that. But plenty of marriages end in divorce, and we don’t skip weddings for that reason. Also, I think this one is pretty stable! When I pushed back, he claimed it’s because it’s not a real wedding and it will just confuse them. How do I talk to him about whatever’s going on here? It feels like he’s judging Sally and her fiancés for no reason. These people are my family, and I love and support them. They’re in a serious and committed relationship and planning a very PG event. My church-going grandma will be there! I don’t know how to talk to my husband about this.