Dear Prudence,
I’m the child of a displaced non-white immigrant. In an effort to connect with my family’s culture, I cultivate an “exotic” fruit in my garden. Traditionally, this fruit is used in ceremonies and rites, so it has a spiritual aspect too.
This fruit is now in season, and strangers in my neighborhood are knocking on my door and leaving me notes asking if they can “have,” “try,” or “taste” these fruits. Some are even showing up with empty cartons to fill. These neighbors are not the neighbors who say “hi” to me—they are complete strangers. Furthermore, they are not asking to trade or barter, and they don’t seem to want to cultivate an ongoing friendship with me.
This behavior fills me with rage and conjures up the expectation that people like me are here to undertake low-cost agricultural labor or to selflessly share and patiently explain “exotic” cultural traditions. I also feel like they are treading upon my personal cultural practices—which have not been easy to establish or maintain given my isolation and the fact of my permanent separation from my familial homeland.
How do I tell these people to bug off without making them feel uncomfortable? I imagine telling them why I’m bothered (and I don’t think I should have to—because it is private), only for them to say “I had no idea you were not white and that this was not a secular thing for you.” But it’s pretty racist for them to make any such assumptions about who and what I am, right? Also, it’s interesting to note that my town is majority Black, but it’s only white strangers showing up at my door asking me to give them free stuff.