Dear Prudence,
I’m a single woman in my late 30s. I thought I was mostly done with the “wedding guest” stage of my life, but recently, there has been a huge second wave of engagements and weddings. During the “first wave” of weddings, I was in my 20s, unmarried but in relationships, and just assumed that it would be my turn eventually. It was easy for me to celebrate others’ love, after all, my marriage was just around the corner!
But that’s not how it turned out. I’ve been single for many years now. I’ve done everything they tell single women to do—I’ve gone to therapy, worked on myself, I have a vibrant social life, many hobbies, a good career, and so on. I’m not lonely or unfulfilled. But no amount of friends or hobbies can truly fill the void of a romantic partner (for someone who wants one). I have worked so hard to become a successful, kind, well-rounded person, and I am so ready for a serious romantic commitment, but it just hasn’t materialized.
I feel very fortunate that so many people value me enough to want me at their wedding, and while I am happy for my friends who are getting married, I have started to feel intense envy and despair. I want love and commitment so badly. I can put my feelings aside for the duration of the wedding, but without fail, I end up sobbing at home alone when it’s over.
I don’t want to be the bitter single friend. I’m also not naive enough to think that I’m guaranteed to find a partner—I know that it’s entirely possible that I won’t, so the typical “you’ll find love when you least expect it!” advice doesn’t work on me. How do I move past these ugly feelings so I can be truly happy for my friends who have found love?