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Wedding Woes

It's a dress...

Dear Prudence,

When we were teenagers, my grandmother gave her wedding dress to my sister “Opal” and me, stipulating that she could wear it at her wedding or pass it on to me, the younger sister.

I’m getting married next summer, and I decided I would wear my grandmother’s dress. It was then that I discovered that my sister had sold the dress a long time ago. She didn’t tell me anything about it. We had a huge fight when I found out. She argued that our grandmother gave the eldest sister the dress, and she had the right to do whatever she wanted with it. But it was always understood that if Opal didn’t wear the dress, it would be mine.

I’m so furious that I’ve decided I’m not inviting Opal to my wedding. Our parents are aghast. They’ve said she’s my sister, and I have to forgive her. Opal sent me a text saying she’ll buy me a vintage dress in the style of Grandma’s dress. But every time I think about a new dress, I break down in tears.

Re: It's a dress...

  • This is either the straw that broke the camel's back or a massive case of entitlement.

    Is this worth it??  
  • I'm sure this feels really big and painful right now.  But in 10 years time and later, it's going to be a blip.  It's a dress at the end of the day, not your grandmother.  While I know it'll be a struggle, not inviting your sister will definitely be a closing door on the relationship that might never open again.  Over a dress.  Invite your sister and start practicing forgiveness within boundaries.
  • I agree that not inviting Opal is going too far, but I see this as being more serious than you all do.  I understand the OP's devastation and could see this being something I'd never be able to fully forgive my sister for.

    Opal PURPOSELY sold something that belonged to both of them.  Either knowing how important the dress was to her sister or should have asked first.  She knew she couldn't ask her sister for money for it, because it was both of theirs.  Instead, she sold it on the sly and hoped it wouldn't come up.  More probably, knew it would come up someday and didn't care because the money was more important to her than her sister's feelings.

    I'd also like to know how Opal apologized and offered to buy a similar looking dress.  Was it a gut-wrenching apology from deep regret and talked about a similar dress in a desperate attempt to try and make up for it a little bit?  Or was it a blase apology and she doesn't understand why her sister is making such a big deal, when she already offered to buy her another dress.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Did LW ever mention this might be something she wanted to do? I'm making the assumption that a minimum of 15ish years have passed. If LW never mentioned this, i can't imagine why sister would assume she would have wanted it? I agree sis should have checked before she sold it, but otherwise, I mostly agree with her logic that it was given to her and that she had the right to do with it what she wanted. I'm sure it hurts. But feel hurt, move on, and don't let a few scraps of fabric tank a relationship with your sister. 


  • You can be sad, even be mad; but unless she knew, way back then when she sold it, that you wanted the dress, and she still didn’t offer it to you- the I could see being furious at her, but likely this is just one big sad mistake. Don’t make another one by writing her off. 
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