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Wedding Woes

Tgiving drama, not about the recipes

Dear Prudence,

I went to Thanksgiving dinner at my ex-husband’s, along with my mother, because this was his year to have our two boys, ages 7 and 9, with him for the holiday, but we wanted to have the family together for them all the same. My mother is 70, and she carries a purse the size of a small suitcase wherever she goes. When we left, I was putting it in the trunk of my car and noticed it felt unusually heavy. I made a joke about her having enough stuff in there to survive for a month on a desert island, but didn’t think anything of it.

When we got home (my mother has mobility issues and lives with me), it was then that I discovered the reason why her purse was so heavy: She had pilfered a bottle of expensive cognac from my ex’s bar! When I confronted her, she said he had several of them and wouldn’t miss it, plus she saw nothing wrong “with a little compensation” for him breaking up the marriage. I am horrified and humiliated by my mother’s actions. My ex and I are finally on cordial terms, and I am afraid that if this comes to light, our relationship will be torpedoed. Based on that, would it be OK to look the other way in this one instance?

—Mortified by Mom’s Sticky Fingers

Re: Tgiving drama, not about the recipes

  • That is tricky!  I assume the ex doesn't see his ex-MIL very often.  Maybe the LW could apologize profusely and say her mother has been having occasional episodes of erratic behavior.  But then, I could also see ways that might backfire.

    However it's explained if the LW goes that route, he could say the LW's mother is no longer welcome in his home.  That could hamper future holiday visits.

    Not the question, but she should also see if she can convince her mom to clean out her purse and get a smaller one.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I know this isn’t cool but I find this hilarious. Why would cognac make up for ruining a marriage?

    id probably tell her not to ever do it again because it could lead to you all not being on good terms, which ultimately only hurts the kids here. If he brings it up, I’d say I’d check with mom and “discover” she took it. Then be mortified and say you’ll try and make sure it’s the end of it. 
  • I know this isn’t cool but I find this hilarious. Why would cognac make up for ruining a marriage?

    id probably tell her not to ever do it again because it could lead to you all not being on good terms, which ultimately only hurts the kids here. If he brings it up, I’d say I’d check with mom and “discover” she took it. Then be mortified and say you’ll try and make sure it’s the end of it. 
    I like this route.  I vacillate between this and coming clean and also telling your mother that she isn't to be trusted.

    In a way I'm leaning to the latter regardless.  She's not a moral arbiter and doesn't get to decide that stealing is OK.  It's flat out wrong and makes her untrustworthy no matter how she wants to position her stance.  It wouldn't be just going to the ex's house.  It would be to any place where the stuff isn't nailed down. 
  • I'd take the bottle and give it back.  Be honest, "I found this, mom told me she took it, I'm sorry" and let the chips fall where they may.  Mom chose to do something and she can deal with the consequences.  

    Also, top tier petty.
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