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Do you even want them?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 28-year-old man, and my wife, who is 25, and I have been married for a bit over a year now. One thing is increasingly becoming a bit of a snag: kids.

About three years ago, we tried for a while to get pregnant, but it didn’t really happen. Then she changed her mind and told me she “liked her life as it was.” I was honestly fine either way. But now she keeps going on about how she “absolutely does not want to get pregnant,” due to the effects on her body. I absolutely do not want to adopt, which is a hill I will die on. I guess children aren’t something I wish for above all (maybe yet), but at this rate, the option might just not be there at all. Should I wait for her to change her mind or just accept that I likely will never be a dad?

—Potentially Childless

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Re: Do you even want them?

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I read this and wonder what the LW wants.   LW, figure this out and then talk to your wife. 
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    So, do they want kids or not?  B/c if she doesn't want to get pregnant, but still have kids, there are options that would still result in a biological child.

    It sounds like they need to have a radically honest conversation about do we want kids?  How do we want kids?  and go from there.  B/c LW is all over the place from "I was fine either way" to "I will never be a dad".
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  • charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Do you actually want kids, or feel like you should want kids? Are you okay with never having them? Is she? Have you even had those conversations? 
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  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't like this guy for a couple reasons.  He isn't listening to his wife and taking her feelings seriously.  Even from his own letter, she's been CLEAR that she doesn't want kids.  She could change her mind someday.  Anything's possible.  But it's unlikely and he's an idiot to pin his hopes on that.

    Only he can decide how important having children is to him.  He's the one who's been wishy-washy about it.  But he's also not wrong for leaving the marriage if he decides he does.

    But he's also pissing me off with his "the option may not be there".  HIs wife is TWENTY-fricking-FIVE, ffs.  I do not understand why people do this (in general).  Instead of worrying this much about it, he could spend 10 minutes looking up the ACTUAL fertility/miscarriage/birth defects for women in various age groups.  He'll find there is plenty of time.  Which is back to "if" she changes her mind, which is unlikely.
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