Zero tolerance for bullying

Re: Zero tolerance for bullying

• levioosa member

  

  December 18

  Oh no, this is up there with top nightmare scenarios for me as a parent. The fact that your husband is brushing it off means you have a huge husband problem too, because son isn't just getting these things passively, although I'm sure he's been sucked into some terrible online groups. You need to go through his social media, find out what blogs/podcasts/reddit forums he's been living in, and have some really big conversations. Grounding and taking away his phone is like the least you could do in this situation. And husband needs to figure out why apparently this isn't that big of a deal for him. If he can't come figure it out...I don't know if I could stay married to someone like that.
  
  Poor LW, Chasey, and Chasey's parents. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• banana468 member

  

  December 18

  levioosa said:

  Oh no, this is up there with top nightmare scenarios for me as a parent. The fact that your husband is brushing it off means you have a huge husband problem too, because son isn't just getting these things passively, although I'm sure he's been sucked into some terrible online groups. You need to go through his social media, find out what blogs/podcasts/reddit forums he's been living in, and have some really big conversations. Grounding and taking away his phone is like the least you could do in this situation. And husband needs to figure out why apparently this isn't that big of a deal for him. If he can't come figure it out...I don't know if I could stay married to someone like that.
  
  Poor LW, Chasey, and Chasey's parents. 

  In addition, the husband needs to know that there are legal ramifications that can impact this kid.
  
  Chiquita was the victim of bullying when she was the same age as the LW and is potentially now (at the school pep rally a month ago a kid yelled out, "Chiquita's a f@ggot!" and she promptly reported it to one of the school principals.  Tapes were pulled, the student was caught and he had to write a letter of apology.  This week as they walked by each other in the hallway he muttered under his breath "F@g," to her.  The school can't confirm anything was heard but can confirm they were in the same hallway at the same time.  They are contacting his parents and are prepared to start a bullying documentation.  In our state, it becomes a document that's filed at state level.  
  
  So this could be documented and on the academic files of this kid.  And should this kid not learn his lesson, it's a police suit for harassment. the older the kids get, the more this isn't playground teasing.  It's a real situation with real ramifications for him.  And beyond that, kids who are bullied are far more likely to suffer in their mental health.   It would be a non-starter for me that the H is either getting behind me or we go talk to those in the know to get him to understand the consequences of nonchalance. 

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• levioosa member

  

  December 18

  I'm so sorry @banana468. Hugs to Chiquita. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• Casadena member

  

  December 18

  oh @banana468 that's heartbreaking. Major hugs to Chiquita.
  

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• banana468 member

  

  December 18

  Thanks @levioosa and @Casadena.  I should be clear that the boy who bullied her 2 years ago is not the same one this academic year but I hear they are in the same friend group.  We have the paperwork from two years ago which is how I know that a conclusion of bullying leads to documentation that's filed at the state level.
  
  The scenario 2 years ago culminated in Chiquita recording the boy who was bullying her so it was evidence OF his bullying. And while she was recording him he attempted to take her phone from her and put his hands on her attempting to wrestle it from her in the process.  We were pretty clear that it needed to stop she no longer felt safe being on the same school bus.  Had the school not reacted to our satisfaction DH and I would have escalated it through the local law enforcement.
  
  I am particularly salty because the bullying and putting his hands on her was in November only 5 months after she was out of the hospital and still much smaller and weaker.  I don't like to speak ill of children but he's a human shit stain. 

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• charlotte989875 member

  

  December 18

  I hate this for you @banana468. 

  
  

  Ground him, but start with the husband. Talk to him about why this is such a big deal. Then do some research about what your kid is doing online and how to deal with the fact that your kid is causing real harm to other people. 

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• short+sassy member

  

  December 18

  The LW using the words "obscene" and "filth", leads me to believe that at least some of what was said to her was sexually threatening.
  
  What will it take for dad to take this seriously?  Ben raping one of his classmates in a few years?  Or does that fall under "boys will be boys" also?
  
  Ben went out of his way to torment a classmate on multiple occasions and still doesn't care.  He's becoming a monster and is already in dire need of therapeutic intervention.  Hopefully it's not too late to stop this, while he is still young. 
  

  

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• VarunaTT member

  

  December 19

  Also, some sort of therapy is in order.  IDK what it should be, but he's obviously fallen into something terrible and is surrounded by it.  
  
  I'd consider this a deal breaker for someone I was married to.

  �

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