My spouse “Jaime,” like their entire family, has naturally perfect teeth. I am not so genetically blessed, and if I hadn’t had heavy-duty braces from fifth through eighth grade, my teeth would be horrifically jacked-up. Our 10-year-old daughter, “Sara,” unfortunately seems to have gotten her teeth from my side.
I want to talk to Sara about getting braces within the next year or so. But when I brought this up to Jaime, they reacted as if I’d wanted to get Sara a nose job and liposuction. They said there’s nothing wrong with Sara’s teeth, and that our society’s expectations of perfect teeth are unhealthy. They said they would still have dated and fallen in love with me even if I’d had jacked-up teeth, which (knowing from extended family members how bad it could have been) I doubt. They said they refused to put Sara through years of pain and self-consciousness for mere cosmetic improvement. Jaime even said they did not want me saying a word to Sara about her teeth, and insinuated they would divorce me if I did. When I said fine, I’ll just have her braces seen to during my custody weeks, Jaime said they would have them removed every time they got Sara back, just to destroy my work.
We agreed to table the subject for now but are still in a state of tension. And I’m still worried that not doing something about Sara’s teeth while she’s young will hurt her socially and career-wise in the future, and be harder for her to fix herself amid adult responsibilities. Advice?
—On the Cuspid of Disaster