Dear Prudence,
My girlfriend grew up on a farm and had to fend for herself and a sibling a great deal, especially around preparing meals. Somewhere along the line, she became an adult who over-purchases food and prepares quantities of it fit for an army, even when it’s just the two of us. She is constantly stressed about using up groceries and leftovers before they spoil, but this doesn’t seem to reduce the quantities she purchases or cooks. Even coffee is a stressor. She makes a full 12-cup pot even if we are both taking a single cup on our way out the door. It’s a very expensive habit.
I grew up with a hoarder parent who functioned in much the same way, and I carry a lot of guilt around food waste, especially meat. Working in other people’s homes over many years has made me excellent at grocery planning and meal prep. I shop seasonally and with a plan for every item. I make simple, healthy meals, and leftovers are reasonable and quickly consumed.
I know that my girlfriend is showing care with her food prep habits. She is otherwise an excellent, attentive partner. But the quantities of everything are stressing me to overeat or feel guilty about food waste. She’s also not choosing vegetables or healthy foods, while I am very focused on maintaining my healthy weight. This is an issue that I can see turning contentious if we moved in together. I’d honestly prefer to handle 100 percent of the food or just not ever live together. How do I get her to change this behavior without hurting her feelings or making her feel like I’m rejecting her care?
—I Can’t Be the Fridge Monitor