Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I (we’re both men) are both in our late 20s. We started dating in our last year of university and moved in together about a year after. He’s very good at those in-demand tech and number-focused computer skills, so he already had good employment lined up before graduation. I struggled to find full-time work in my field, and worked part-time while doing the household cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. His work pays well but demands a lot of his time. I like to cook and enjoy making my space homey; he’s more of a pizza and floor guy. It’s just the two of us, so everything worked out well.
This summer, I finally got the full-time job I’ve always wanted, and predictably, I have much less time for the house.
Dinners got less complicated, laundry sat out for longer without being done, etc. My boyfriend was completely baffled by this, because he thought household chores worked as they do in a video game. Put dirty clothes in the machine, and they get clean in minutes. Stick ingredients in the oven, and a whole lasagne comes out. At first, I thought he was pulling my leg, but no, he really, really honestly believed that everything is instant because we have “technology and stuff” (I kind of understand, because he lived with his parents in university before moving in with me, and I’m sure his mom did everything).
He understands now that the house isn’t a video game, and he does his share when he remembers to, so that’s not the problem. The problem is me. I keep getting this voice in the back of my mind going, “How can you be so dumb? Wow, he was dumb. He was really dumb.” I’m reminded every time I cook or do a chore. How do I get over this? I don’t want to leave him, so don’t suggest it. I just want to silence that mean-spirited inner voice.
—Leveling Up My Patience Stat