Dear Prudence,
My brother is five years older than I am. Ever since he went to college over 15 years ago, he has been friends with “May.” May identifies as queer, but most likely is asexual. She has never dated or shown any interest in anyone as long as I have known her.
My brother has had girlfriends here and there, but frankly, he is emotionally lazy and doesn’t want to put the legwork into finding a real partner. May has always been his cheerleader, telling him that he is amazing, he will make such a cool dad someday, and trying to set him up with people. May has always just been there. She lived in a nearby city and would drive down to see my brother while he was living with our folks. She spent the holidays with us, and she is a funny, friendly person. Emphasis on “friend.”
She would complain about guys hitting on her and freezing her out of friend groups over her gentle rejection—and how glad she was to have my brother not be like that. Well, my parents moved to another state for warmer weather, and my brother went with them since his work is remote. I am still stuck back in our old city. May and my brother continued to text constantly, mostly memes and stuff they made.
My brother invited May to come visit, which was a big deal because she doesn’t make a lot of money and usually goes to see her family on the opposite coast. May said yes, but she could only afford the plane ticket, and would love to visit. I got sent a lot of pictures of my brother and May having fun and doing things together. I figured they had a great time. Until my parents told me that I need to block May forever. I never had her number. Apparently, my brother suggested they share a bed rather than him taking the couch. May said she could sleep on the floor instead.
So, according to my brother, May broke his heart and played him for a fool because everyone “knows” why you invite a girl to visit and stay in a one-bedroom condo. He completely blocked her, had my parents block her, and he sent her an email two weeks later about them “wanting different things in life” and that “their goals were incompatible.” May, in the meantime, thought that something horrible had happened. She literally called my aunt, whose number she had after she picked her up years ago, and asked if someone had died. My aunt told May that everyone was alive and well. That is when my brother sent the email. I was on vacation and didn’t find out until I got back.
I am so angry—at my brother for being such a baby and coward (he never actually asked May out!) and my parents for going along with it and not even saying goodbye. May lost her mom and older brothers as a teenager. This is cruel. I don’t know what to do about it. Do I say anything? To anyone? My brother has always been the golden child, while I am the one who wasted my potential working retail. I am going to see my family this summer, and if my brother whines one more time about not being able to meet people or find a “good woman,” I will explode and scream about him trying to fly out and hit on his queer best friend!
—Feel For May