Unhappy about my wedding, how do I get past it?

Re: Unhappy about my wedding, how do I get past it?

• MNNEBride member

  

  January 20

  Focus on the fact that regardless of how it happens, or who is in attendance, at the end of the day, you are marrying the person you love.

  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 20

  I agree with @MNNEBride.  At this point unless you cancel the entire event and elope, own the plans and focus on the outcome.
  
  IMO - that's the point right?  I haven't seen it a lot lately but when I got married nearly 19 years ago the focus was "the happiest day of your life" Or "The best day of your life" and....life wasn't all downhill from there.  It was the official start that DH and I were married and that started OUR family together with the twists and turns that happens as we faced those challenges together.  The event is something that you plan and get through.  Make it as pleasing to you as possible with what exists and know that you have your partner with you. 

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• levioosa member

  

  January 20

  You can't uninvite people, so unless you cancel the whole event and elope instead, you're still having the event. Can you identify where the feelings are coming from? Is it because you feel steamrolled by your fiancé's desires for the wedding? That's a communication issue and needs to be worked out before you get married. Is it because you just don't like crowds or big events? Try building in some quiet time for you and FI (pictures with the two of you during cocktail hour, get ready earlier and spend an hour together before the ceremony and reception with a glass of champagne, etc). But remember there shouldn't be any gaps during the wedding. 
  
  We put a lot of pressure on a wedding to be "the bestest day ever!" Focus on the moments that matter. Getting married to your FI, celebrating with people you love (I'm assuming there's at least some people you're excited to see). Even if you wanted a big to do, there are always things that will go wrong on the day of. Focus on the reason for the event over the event itself to help keep your mind clear and level headed. 

  
  

  
  

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  January 24

  Your invitations are not a subpoena, not everyone is going to be able to make it that you invite, and that is okay!  Even if they can, all will be good and focus on planning the marriage instead of the wedding!  Focus on the details you enjoy relating to the wedding itself. 
  
  It is also okay to forgo the "wedding" aspects that made you want to elope in the first place.  If you have drama llamas in the family, "I'll put that into consideration"..  It is also important that you communicate this with your FI and if you need to hire in a wedding coordinator to do a "Here's my budget, make it happen!" (let them coordinate anything that would otherwise stress you out, florist, baker, venue, caterer, etc.), that is ENTIRELY okay!  It is okay to be hands-off and want to show up the day of just make sure that you and FI have this communicated with each other!
  
  Most of all, planning the marriage.  It is recommended even for strong couples to attend and invest into premarital counseling.  Many Marriage and Family Counselors/Therapists offer this on a discounted package basis.  Many churches offer this as well (even to those not necessarily getting married in the church).  Some states even offer a discount on the cost of the marriage license if a couple has gone through premarital counseling.  Especially where going from Eloping to 60 Guests isn't going to be the first nor last challenge to overcome as a couple, there are other topics such as "rules of engagement", kids/no kids, finances, decision making as a couple, autonomy versus autonomy as a couple vs. family life/structure, holidays, communication styles, love languages, intimacy, growing old, etc. Things that are dealbreakers and better to discuss before the "I do's" rather than assuming or that "oh they'll change their mind just like..", etc..  Planning the marriage will be the best investment to the wedding you two can make!  

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