I have been living together with my partner for the past 15 years with our two children and one daughter of my own. Our relationship was purely sexual at first, then we both got divorces so we could build a future together. This future has mainly consisted of making material and building choices (as he is very well-skilled) and raising our children. He has always been self-employed with a lower income, but had plenty of time for the children. I have a very good salary and have always supported us and our bills completely.
Recently, we moved to a new home that he was supposed to renovate. It has been three years, and one-third of the renovation has not been finished, which makes me very mad. I am a good housekeeper, very neat, and a perfectionist on these matters. Even a screw on the wrong side can make me go crazy. These screws, hanging cables, and temporary building solutions are hanging everywhere, and honestly, I cannot live like this anymore, and I have told him so many times. One more feature of his character is demonstrating his male attraction in my presence—he really likes to flirt/touch/give attention to other women, when I am there, regardless of whether they are my friends or not. And yes, he is not the initiator but responds to their attention.
We did not have the money to completely renovate our new home until a common real estate purchase together, which turned out very well for us. The initial agreement after selling it was to invest the surplus in our home renovation. Formally, it is my home, not ours, but this has never been an issue to me. This, however, did not happen. Instead, after setting some money aside for our children (mine as well!), he took the rest of the sum and invested it in a second property without my knowledge, together with a rich man, whom he became acquainted with through me.
I have been in banking, real estate, and mortgages for the past 25 years, and this really hurt me a lot. He promises he will transfer the money he owes to me (as his contribution to all monthly costs has been zero during this and the previous investment). He also admits to making the wrong decision by listening to the rich guy. This guy advised him to invest all the money in the second purchase and promised to provide additional amounts after buying it, when necessary. This, however, did not happen, and as a result, I am still the one paying all the bills and waiting for the property to be sold again. In the meantime, I am stuck in a half-renovated home, and we have no money to finish.
It has been about half a year now, and we are heading for a divorce, which is not the best option, as we have a son with developmental issues, who needs us both. I can’t get over it, though, and have been really hurt. The last matter that took place in the summer was attempting to harass my own daughter’s boyfriend. It was an act of jealousy, I suppose, as he has always declared his (my partner’s) attention should be for her, and she is forbidden to have a boyfriend until she finishes high school (she is turning 18 in March and finishing school this year). This is ridiculous, and I am definitely not accepting his opinion. The boyfriend is a nice, caring guy who is good for my daughter. I have been really hurt these past six months and have tried to talk to him. He is bad at apologizing and has said he won’t handle real estate this way again. This is not enough for me, and I still feel hurt. How do we go on and try to keep living together? I have really tried, but it feels like I am digging our common grave.
—Trying to Go On