Dear Prudence,
I’m debating breaking up with my boyfriend over something that is so beyond disgusting, I don’t know what to do. The other night, he stayed out late at the bar with his friends, and they all came back to our apartment (we live together) to eat pizza and hang out. I was in the shower, and when I got dressed and came out, I was confronted with a ghastly sight.
His friend was PEEING in my Stanley Cup, which was sitting empty by the kitchen sink. I shrieked and stormed off into the bedroom because I was so caught off guard. Shortly after, my (drunk) boyfriend came in and apologized on behalf of his (also drunk) friend. He said that his friend didn’t want to go into the bathroom when I was in the shower, and while he thought about peeing in the sink, there were dishes in there, so my boyfriend just told him to “figure it out.” Evidently, this meant peeing in a cup clearly meant for drinking. His friends left, and the next day I told my boyfriend that his friend (or him!) needed to replace my Stanley Cup, and that I was genuinely disgusted that he’s friends with the kind of people who think that’s acceptable behavior, drunk or not.
He was not thrilled at the prospect of replacing it—they’re expensive—but he said that he’d talk to his friend about it. It’s been over two weeks now, and my boyfriend has done nothing but hedge around the situation. I don’t have his friend’s number, and every time I ask him, he just says that he asked him about it but hasn’t gotten a response. Prudie, they see each other weekly for a recreational soccer league. He has seen this friend at least twice in person, and I don’t buy that he “hasn’t gotten a response.” No amount of washing will make this Stanley usable to me again, and I’m annoyed. Do you think my boyfriend is prioritizing his friend’s comfort over mine? I would almost prefer a concrete, “No, he’s not going to replace it for you” over this kind of wishy-washiness, and I don’t know how to address it. I love my boyfriend, but we haven’t been together for a super long time, and I don’t know if this is indicative of how he might handle bigger conflicts in the future or if this is just such a bizarre situation that I need to figure out how to handle it (how do I do that?) and move on. Help!