overreacting? or klepto gf?

Casadena · January 29

My girlfriend and I share a couple’s membership at an upscale gym, which I pay for. I have no problem with this, as fitness is a big priority to me and I make significantly more than she does. Additionally, she does struggle with her weight and her attitude towards working out can be lackluster, so I’m happy to provide something that (sometimes) motivates her to go, especially if we go together.

However, there is one issue that keeps coming up that I’m not sure how to handle. The gym provides relatively high-end body wash, lotion, etc. in the showers, and my girlfriend has made a habit of bringing empty travel-size toiletry bottles to the gym to take these products home with her! I find this to be extremely tacky. I told her so when I found out what she was doing, but she just laughed it off and said that taking advantage of the “free” fancy stuff is one of the best parts of going there. I told her that if she did a better job of budgeting, she would be able to afford these items for herself, and she got upset with me and claimed that I don’t understand because I didn’t grow up poor like she did. She’s not wrong—her family was economically challenged and she has worked hard to get to a better place, but it’s obvious she’s still stuck in the mindset of not being able to afford nice things.

She got over it soon enough, but she’s still taking as many shower products as she desires every time we go to the gym. It annoys me so much that I even offered to buy them for her, which she declined. She keeps brushing this off, and I don’t know how to convey to her how much this bothers me on principle. I know it’s not stealing per se, but I have this low-lying anxiety that she’s going to be found out and this will somehow impact our membership there. I know it’s insanely unlikely that something like this would happen, but my anxiety about it and irritation at her is starting to have a negative impact on our relationship and my experience of going to the gym. Do you have any ideas about how to get through to her since nothing has worked? Do you think that intentionally taking toiletries in a setting like this is tacky and inappropriate?

—Lotion Looter

banana468 · January 29

Yes it's stealing. it isn't a perk to take things home that aren't intended anymore than your membership allows you to take a free weight and use it in your living room.

Unless she's showing the containers filled they may not have recourse to ban you (as I assume and hope there are no cameras in showers), but what your GF is doing is theft, isn't ethical and if more people do it you're going to stop having that perk in the showers.

ei34 · January 29

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

MyNameIsNot · January 29

ei34 said:

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

I'm with you. I see this along the lines of grabbing more napkins or ketchup than you know you need from the fast food restaurant so you'll have extra for the car or whatever. He does seem like he's looking for things to be critical about, or like he just genuinely doesn't like her.

banana468 · January 29

MyNameIsNot said:

ei34 said:

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

I'm with you. I see this along the lines of grabbing more napkins or ketchup than you know you need from the fast food restaurant so you'll have extra for the car or whatever. He does seem like he's looking for things to be critical about, or like he just genuinely doesn't like her.

I don't because of the cost.

Paper goods are cheap. They're put out, often in places for people to knowingly grab extra.

I'm wondering if this is something like an Equinox that has Kiehl's products in the bathroom. A quick look shows that the 16.9oz shampoo on Amazon is $42.00. If the GF is taking just the shampoo in a 3oz travel container that's about $7.50 for every fill and that's just the shampoo. Yeah, there may be different prices and rates but at retail cost if that's the brand this is what the GF is taking with her and I'm going to assume these are in containers mounted to the wall - not in individual sizes that look far more like you can take one to go.

levioosa · January 29

Tacky? Sure. I don't have any fancy gym memberships, but I do have a membership to a gym and I might side eye but not give a real shit if I saw someone taking toiletries. H takes the toilet paper from every hotel we go to (the room, not the random lobby restroom). It lowkey annoys me but whatever. He has a lot of fear about scarcity from childhood and we always leave a tip for the cleaner. And I make him use that particular toilet paper because hotel paper is always cheap and the worst on the vajeen.

Casadena · January 29

ei34 said:

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

You took these words right out of my head. Full agree on everything you said.

MyNameIsNot · January 29

banana468 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

ei34 said:

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

I'm with you. I see this along the lines of grabbing more napkins or ketchup than you know you need from the fast food restaurant so you'll have extra for the car or whatever. He does seem like he's looking for things to be critical about, or like he just genuinely doesn't like her.

I don't because of the cost.

Paper goods are cheap. They're put out, often in places for people to knowingly grab extra.

I'm wondering if this is something like an Equinox that has Kiehl's products in the bathroom. A quick look shows that the 16.9oz shampoo on Amazon is $42.00. If the GF is taking just the shampoo in a 3oz travel container that's about $7.50 for every fill and that's just the shampoo. Yeah, there may be different prices and rates but at retail cost if that's the brand this is what the GF is taking with her and I'm going to assume these are in containers mounted to the wall - not in individual sizes that look far more like you can take one to go.

If cost is the difference, then you also have to consider the price you're paying. This is a fancy gym. I don't belong to one, but I know membership at the sorta-fancy gym near me is something like $250/mo. The last time I went to Chipotle it was less than $20.

I'm not saying it's something to be proud of, but taking extra of product that is available for customer use is just not the same thing as slipping a bottle in your purse and sneaking out of target.

banana468 · January 29

MyNameIsNot said:

banana468 said:

MyNameIsNot said:

ei34 said:

I guess it's stealing? Bringing bottles from home to fill feels more tacky to me than anything, stealing for me is a bit more like if she was taking bottles of shampoo out of a store without paying. But I think that'll be a UO here.

LW's really comfortable pointing out the gf's areas of weakness and that kind of stood out to me more than the toiletry theft. The concern that gf's shampoos will be discovered impacting a gym membership he cares about is valid. But he strikes me as overly critical/judgy and I think that's tinting how I view him vs. the gf.

I'm with you. I see this along the lines of grabbing more napkins or ketchup than you know you need from the fast food restaurant so you'll have extra for the car or whatever. He does seem like he's looking for things to be critical about, or like he just genuinely doesn't like her.

I don't because of the cost.

Paper goods are cheap. They're put out, often in places for people to knowingly grab extra.

I'm wondering if this is something like an Equinox that has Kiehl's products in the bathroom. A quick look shows that the 16.9oz shampoo on Amazon is $42.00. If the GF is taking just the shampoo in a 3oz travel container that's about $7.50 for every fill and that's just the shampoo. Yeah, there may be different prices and rates but at retail cost if that's the brand this is what the GF is taking with her and I'm going to assume these are in containers mounted to the wall - not in individual sizes that look far more like you can take one to go.

If cost is the difference, then you also have to consider the price you're paying. This is a fancy gym. I don't belong to one, but I know membership at the sorta-fancy gym near me is something like $250/mo. The last time I went to Chipotle it was less than $20.

I'm not saying it's something to be proud of, but taking extra of product that is available for customer use is just not the same thing as slipping a bottle in your purse and sneaking out of target.

No it's not the same. I think a better comparison would be putting the white bean spread and bread from a nicer restaurant in your purse and asking for more complementary food. It's part of your dinner price but you're supposed to use it while you're there - not take it with you.

overreacting? or klepto gf?

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