Wedding Woes

Have you brought it up kindly?

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend and I (both women) moved in together six months ago.  Things are mostly great, but I am struggling to handle our different responses to common obstacles. Namely, whenever something happens, my girlfriend’s reactions feel outsized, and I wind up regularly having to talk her down, even if it’s something we’re both dealing with.

Recently, because of heavy snowfall, our building had a blackout for a few hours. I wound up spending most of that time talking to her through a pile of complaints (“If my phone dies, I’m gonna cry,” “If they don’t fix this before sunset, I’m submitting a complaint!” etc.). It also feels like her heightened emotions take precedence, even when I have my own issues. A recent example: I found out a family member needed to go to the hospital the same day my girlfriend received some feedback on a work project. I wound up having to talk to her through the (politely-phrased) feedback way longer than we discussed my relative’s problems. Is there a way to address this?  Saying, “I think your reactions to things are overblown,” feels dismissive, but I’m admittedly struggling here.

Re: Have you brought it up kindly?

  • Was she like this before you moved in together? If it's new, it could be a response to something else going on. If she's always been like this, she might just be like this. 
  • You may need to address this with her admittedly when she's not going through something.  

    But the unfortunate situation is that some people have a low stress tolerance. 
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