Wedding Woes

control or empowerment?

Dear Prudence,

When I met my boyfriend, I was coming off the back of a horrible relationship, in a dead end at work, and feeling awful about myself. He’s been amazing, nothing but supportive, and has encouraged me to try new things, including martial arts, rock climbing, and the gym. I’ve lost a little pudge, put on some muscle, and have never felt more beautiful or powerful. The problem is how a small number of people around me are reacting to this new me.

My brother and father seem put off by my confidence, my mother insisted that I must be being abused because I have new bruises from action sports, and at least two friends have suggested that my boyfriend is grooming me into some idealized Barbie figure. Nothing could be further from the truth; he’s a complete pussycat, so I’m trying to get to grips with these reactions. I know the dynamics of these relationships have changed, and it feels like people who love me are engaged in some kind of power play to return the status quo, but I am unwilling to go back to the way things were. What are my options here? How do I get my loved ones to embrace the new me? It’s all been a bit disappointing.

—New Goddess

Re: control or empowerment?

  • Can you ask them why they think it’s the boyfriend? Is there something happening they’re seeing that you don’t? Are you unintentionally saying something like “oh boyfriend insists we do rock climbing and eat vegan”? 

    If it’s so many people take a second and look at the entire picture- is there any truth to any of it. If not- great, keep living your life and tell come around. Or they won’t and you will have to decide how much it bothers you. 


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