Dear Care and Feeding,
My husband and I have two girls, “Amber,” 5, and “Emily,” 9. Emily is terrified of spiders, and Amber has recently taken a delight in catching Daddy Longlegs. Unfortunately, Amber has also taken a delight in dropping them on her sister, which sends her into a panic. The last time Amber pulled the spider routine, Emily hit her in the face. This happened while I was out running errands, and I didn’t learn about it until I arrived home when Amber ran up to me in tears and told me.
Not only did my husband not punish Emily for hitting her sister, he said that Amber is now old enough to learn “not to act like an asshole,” so Emily was justified in what she did! I took away Emily’s phone for two weeks and told her if she hit her sister again, her time without it would double. However, I’m now worried that she is going to hit her sister every time she irritates her when I’m not around, since her dad effectively gave her the green light. My husband’s excuse is that he used to bug his older brother when they were kids until one day his brother beat him up and “sometimes you have to learn the hard way.” What am I supposed to do here?
—Hitting Isn’t the Answer