This is what your HOA is for

Casadena · February 19

Dear Prudence,

I’ve always been a person who values tidiness and clear rules, so when I was ready to buy a house, I did something that most people wouldn’t dream of: I looked for a community with a strong homeowner’s association and residents who followed its rules. I’ve lived here for five years now, and it was great until about six months ago, when my sweet neighbor passed away and her son, “Tyler,” moved into the house.

When Tyler first arrived, I stopped by and offered to help him with anything he needed, including navigating the HOA. A few months passed, but he still showed no interest in following the rules. One day, I saw him outside and (after a friendly greeting!) mentioned that his trash bins were supposed to be out of view, and he responded that, “The HOA can’t tell me what to do with my own cans” in a tone that made me immediately drop the issue.

Since then, I have really tried to ignore Tyler’s infractions (which is difficult, because one of them was replacing his outdoor lights with too-bright, cool-light bulbs that shine into my bedroom!). However, I recently received the annual bill for HOA fees, and it reignited my anger. I specifically chose this community for the HOA, I pay for it, and yet I’m not enjoying the bene fits! Because of the way our cul-de-sac is set up, I’m the only one who has a good view of Tyler’s house, so I’d need to report him for things to change. I don’t want to be “that neighbor,” but I want my tidy street back! What should I do?

—Follow the Rules or Move

banana468 · February 19

Wow, this LW seems to be wound tighter than a roll of plastic wrap.

LW you can't have it both ways and you aren't the HOA. If these are infractions clearly in violation of the rules then report them to the HOA. Furthermore, if they are infractions then ask what the process for enforcing HOA rules is.

That said, I want to congratulate you on your problem free life. If the garbage cans of a neighbor and their lighting are bothering you (because you...can't install black out curtains and look away from the garbage) and this is your gripe so much that you're writing about it to Prudie I need to ask what is your secret so such a problem-free existence??

VarunaTT · February 19

OP is absolutely going to end up running for this HOA and being THAT person.

MyNameIsNot · February 19

The light shining into your bedroom I get, but I cannot wrap my head around why anyone cares if someone else's trash cans are visible.

Anyway, if you chose a strict HOA because this is what you wanted, report it to the HOA and let them enforce it. Just make sure your shit is in order, because he will likely report you right back when your grass is a centimeter too tall.

Casadena · February 19

Ppl in our neighborhood (not an HOA) bitch about garbage cans too, it's ridiculous. That said, LW pays money to purposely live in a uniformly rigid environment and shouldn't feel bad about "reporting" people. Is it silly, imo, yes. But that's literally why they exist.

ei34 · February 20

The super bright light in the bedroom is annoying, the garbage can one is admittedly a strange thing to hem and haw over...but that's imo. You chose the HOA life for a reason LW - report it.

banana468 · February 20

And while I awaited resolution on the light I'd do things to help mitigate it. Like a curtain or a sleep mask. I don't sleep without one anyway.

These are annoying but the LW seems to be lamenting the lack of HOA enforcement. It's similar to when I have to remind DD that while she's aware of the rules, she's not in charge of enforcing them. IF the situation is bad enough she's speaking up she needs to do it to the right channels.

knottied1f3e992514af78f · February 22

It’s completely understandable that you feel frustrated — you chose this community specifically because the HOA rules gave you a sense of order and predictability. When a new neighbor ignores those standards, it feels like the structure you paid for isn’t being honored. But it also makes sense that you don’t want to damage neighborly relations or be seen as the enforcer.

This is what your HOA is for

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