Dear Prudence,
My sister-in-law, “Judy,” has a screw loose. She is bizarrely insecure, petty, and competitive toward me and has been since she dated my brother. The highlights include her throwing a crying fit over not being invited to my college graduation (they were just dating); my refusal to be in the bridal party (I lived across the country then and couldn’t afford to fly to her many activities); my gifts always being “wrong” (I finally just got her gift cards, and she claimed I hated her); and not inviting her on girl trips I took with my cousins (I never invited any of my other sisters-in-law either).
I have tried to be friendly to Judy, but she is the type to smile at you over lunch and stab you in the back at dinner. As far as I can figure out, Judy hates that I am the only girl out of five brothers and very close to my mom. Judy does not have a good relationship with either of her parents and seems to idealize our large family. It would be sweet, except she keeps trying to shove me out. It was bad enough when I lived on the opposite coast, but I have moved home, and my brother and Judy are a stone’s throw from my parents and me. I see them multiple times a week, and Judy keeps playing pretend that she wants us to be besties.
I tried—did the spa days and brunches and all that jazz. Then something happened that sent her totally off the rails.
A deer hit my car on the way to dinner with her. I texted her what happened, and she flipped out and accused me of lying. In fact, I was always trying to lie and dump on her. I sent her a picture of my car, and she accused me of using a Google image! I texted she was a crazy bitch and needed serious psychiatric help. She told me that she was going to ruin my life like I “ruined” hers. (I still don’t understand this bit.)
I showed my parents the text, and it finally put the last piece in place for them. My parents told my brother and Judy that they shouldn’t come over anymore while I was temporarily living there and that they could just go out and eat as a family. Judy freaked out, and my brother rolled over as usual. He accused me of provoking his wife, and I reminded him that I nearly died. I had serious bruises from the crash and went to the ER afterward.
I am so done, but there is a huge divide in my family. My parents are firmly on my side, but they are very unhappy. My other brothers and their wives are just-keep-the-peace types and have the luxury of living far away. They admit that they can tolerate Judy only in small doses, but I have to swallow this shit with a smile, apparently. What should I do? Judy isn’t going anywhere, and neither am I.
—Tired in Texas