Dear Care and Feeding,
My daughter, “Abigail,” is getting married in June, and my wife and I are at odds over whether to allow her sister, “Gia,” to bring her 8-year-old son, “Nick,” to the wedding. Nick is an unholy terror. When he was at his cousin’s wedding this past summer, he took his piece of wedding cake and put it on the bride’s mother’s chair, and she sat on it. To my knowledge, he received no negative consequences for his actions, nor did my sister-in-law and her husband cover the cost of the dry cleaning.
Abigail has made clear she doesn’t want Nick at her wedding, and I agree. My wife has told her that because we are footing the bill for the wedding, Nick has to be allowed to attend. Her rationale is that telling her sister she can’t bring her son when other kids will be there will “start a war” within her family. But the other kids who’ll be at the wedding actually know how to behave in public. This standoff is causing Abigail a great deal of unnecessary stress around what should be one of the happiest days of her life. I feel like my wife is throwing her under the bus just to placate her sister and parents. Do I have permission to tell Gia her little hellspawn isn’t welcome?