It took 16 years to talk about this?

Casadena · March 12

Dear Prudence,

My wife and I met 16 years ago when she was 19 years old, we married three years later, and I have been faithful and happy with her. I know she had two boyfriends before me and that she had oral sex with one and intercourse with the other. Somehow I got the idea that she had been forced into the oral sex and didn’t enjoy it. So when she would attempt to do that to me I made her stop. She felt rejected and that has impeded both the frequency and her enjoyment of any form of sex with me. She recently clarified that she was the one who initiated the first oral encounter and that she liked it. As a result, we have enjoyed this activity more in the past few weeks than we had in the last several years. Every other element of our sexual relationship has also improved. But I’m incredibly jealous at the amount of sex she had before she met me, far more than I had before I met her. I’m nearly going insane that she performed oral sex five times more in three years on them than she has with me in 16. How do I move on so that I am not constantly thinking about these guys and the relative number of sexual encounters every time I have sex with my wife?

CharmedPam · March 12

This is her past. She had one. Stop thinking about it and enjoy what you got.

MyNameIsNot · March 12

JFC. You are jealous of the beejs she gave her teenage boyfriend 16 years later? Get a grip.

This is dripping with purity culture.

banana468 · March 12

MyNameIsNot said:

JFC. You are jealous of the beejs she gave her teenage boyfriend 16 years later? Get a grip.

This is dripping with purity culture.

All of this. Even the way it's phrased, "I've been happy with her," can be interpreted like she's a pure bread you acquired rather than you two are happy together.

ei34 · March 12

This is so creepy. I'd say seek counseling but he'd probably just go to his weird pastor/religious leader who'd make him feel justified.

downtondiva · March 12

Am I reading too much into the fact that LW mentions that his wife was 19 when they met but doesn't mention his own age?

levioosa · March 13

downtondiva said:

Am I reading too much into the fact that LW mentions that his wife was 19 when they met but doesn't mention his own age?

Good catch. Feels like this is one of those older “nice guys” who finally gets an unsuspecting younger woman to marry him. This whole letter is creepy.

short+sassy · March 13

And how many women have you had sex with and gotten BJs from, you grossly hypocritical creep! Stop ruining a good marriage...at least for you...with this nonsense.

I'm also with @downtowndiva. It was striking he didn't mention his own age or how "innocent" he was before marrying his wife. Because dollars to doughnuts it would have painted him in an even worse light.

It took 16 years to talk about this?

Re: It took 16 years to talk about this?

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