Wedding Woes

to tell or not to tell

Dear Prudence,

My mind is still reeling. My fiancé confessed to me last week that his younger niece is actually his child. He had a short affair with his brother’s wife, who conceived the month her husband was away. They ended things just before finding out she was pregnant, and she lied about the dates to cover it up. My fiancé knew all this and said nothing because he didn’t want to break up their family. My fiancé’s brother is a good guy and I genuinely like him. I’ve never seen a man so devoted to his wife and children. I don’t know if I can spend the rest of my life being a part of this lie. My future in-laws are a close-knit family and everyone frequently gets together. They actually had a family dinner a few days ago which I’ve avoided because I don’t know how I can look at either my fiancé’s brother or his wife in the eye. I also have complex feelings about the “niece”—biologically speaking, she will be my stepchild! I love my fiancé so much but how can I marry into his family knowing what I know now?

Re: to tell or not to tell

  • Maybe his brother knows now? Do we know if he knows?

  • I don't know the right answer here but I don't like being a party to the deception. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 12
    I'd really want to tell, but I don't know if I could be the catalyst for tearing this family apart. I would really, really try to get the fiance to come clean to his brother.

    One thing I would absolutely not do is marry this dude. Actually, maybe just ghosting is the best answer.
  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 12
    I'd break off the engagement.  FI took part in an affair and is okay with lying.
    edit spelling
  • ei34 said:
    I'd break off the engagement.  FI took part in an affair and is okay with lying.
    edit spelling
    I didn’t even think of this dynamic! Oy. He has no morals. Leave him 

  • downtondivadowntondiva member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 12
    ei34 said:
    I'd break off the engagement.  FI took part in an affair and is okay with lying.
    edit spelling
    Exactly. Who knows what about the affair and whether LW should say anything is beside the point. FI clearly has no self-control and is careless with other people's feelings, whatever he may say now about not wanting to break up a family. LW shouldn't marry someone like that.
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  • ei34 said:
    I'd break off the engagement.  FI took part in an affair and is okay with lying.
    edit spelling
    Exactly. Who knows what about the affair and whether LW should say anything is beside the point. FI clearly has no self-control and is careless with other people's feelings, whatever he may say now about not wanting to break up a family. LW shouldn't marry someone like that.
    It's bad enough to have an affair with a married woman.  But his own brother?!?!  In this "tight, close" family.  

    I can forgive a lot in someone's past.  But this goes way too far.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Best predictor of future behavior is past behavior...  If he was willing to cheat with another man's wife he's willing to do it to you too...  
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