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IT couldn't have been you?

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

Dear Prudence,

I’m a 34-year-old man, and seven years ago, I made the horrible decision to cheat on my wife. At that point, we had been married for three years, and she quickly filed for divorce after she found out. We went to counseling, worked out our issues, and managed to reconcile and stop the divorce. Since then, we’ve had two kids. Despite the guilt I still feel, I’m happier than ever.

Last week, though, I found out that in the brief time my wife and I were separated following my affair, she entered a relationship with a male coworker and caught an STI. They broke up once we got back together, and I don’t consider it cheating. However, I now have the STI she caught from him. She refuses to accept that she caught one, and thinks I’ve cheated again! What should I do?

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Re: IT couldn't have been you?

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    What do you mean you found out she got it but she doesn't accept she got it? Like she's been out here with an untreated STI for the last 7 years, even through two pregnancies? Not every STI is life threatening, but that's scary!
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm not understanding this.  Is she not aware of how these work?   Is there now a new STI?  Was she not checked for them after the affair ended?? 

    The issue with so many is that you don't know when or how you got them.  Hopefully a medical professional can explain that. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you take it at face value this is either HPV, Syphilis or Herpes which can be dormant for long periods of time or asymptomatic. However, his story doesn’t really add up either. You know about the STI but she didn’t? I have questions. 


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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    levioosa said:
    If you take it at face value this is either HPV, Syphilis or Herpes which can be dormant for long periods of time or asymptomatic. However, his story doesn’t really add up either. You know about the STI but she didn’t? I have questions. 
    Also makes you wonder if these are things had long ago.

    Like, did she test positive for HPV for the first time now?  Could she have had it for years? 
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  • CasadenaCasadena member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I know some STI's can remain dormant for a long time or have no symptoms, but if you have two kids, your wife has been screened repeatedly. Has LW? I find his surety that his wife caught it odd - he just found out about this relationship, and also that SHE has an STI - while she's "refusing to accept" it? It's just as likely that LW could have easily been the one who picked this up and given it to wife, regardless of her outside relationship or when you found out about it. 

    Something is just not sitting well about his description of this all. 
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  • CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    banana468 said:
    levioosa said:
    If you take it at face value this is either HPV, Syphilis or Herpes which can be dormant for long periods of time or asymptomatic. However, his story doesn’t really add up either. You know about the STI but she didn’t? I have questions. 
    Also makes you wonder if these are things had long ago.

    Like, did she test positive for HPV for the first time now?  Could she have had it for years? 
    And men can’t get screened for it, so is he assuming he has it? How does he know? New stats are saying 90% of the population have or had it. 

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  • levioosalevioosa member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    CharmedPam said:
    banana468 said:
    levioosa said:
    If you take it at face value this is either HPV, Syphilis or Herpes which can be dormant for long periods of time or asymptomatic. However, his story doesn’t really add up either. You know about the STI but she didn’t? I have questions. 
    Also makes you wonder if these are things had long ago.

    Like, did she test positive for HPV for the first time now?  Could she have had it for years? 
    And men can’t get screened for it, so is he assuming he has it? How does he know? New stats are saying 90% of the population have or had it. 
    Paps check for the high risk cancer causing HPV, not all types of HPV (there are over 150 strains) and they don’t check for the strains that cause genital warts on a pap. So if he was trying to say she had a positive pap and now he has genital warts, that’s a no go, bud. Now, is it possible she has been an asymptomatic carrier of a genital wart causing HPV strain and he is now having an outbreak? Yes, but something in this letter is also giving me a “he doth protesteth too much.” Also HE could have contracted it from that previous partner and now he’s having an outbreak (assuming he is talking about HPV, or herpes). Honestly this is the thing that really sucks about a lot of STDs. Several of them have no definitive timeline so that question will be in the back of your head even if you think your partner has been faithful. I wish we had tests to differentiate contraction time period but they don’t exist. 


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