Dear Prudence,
My mother (a stay-at-home mom) has always favored my sister. She is almost 40, and today my mother still helps her do her job (she freelances) and drives her everywhere, even though my sister has a license and can drive. I’m pregnant with my second child and having an impossible pregnancy: There is very little I can do and the worst thing is I cannot lift more than 10 lbs. This means I cannot put my toddler into her crib or get her out, get her into/out of the tub myself, or get her into her chair for dinner. I need someone with me at all times. My husband’s hours changed suddenly, and he will no longer be home until late at night.
We are looking into getting a sitter despite it being almost unaffordable for us, but this week we can’t find anyone and I begged my mother to help out (she lives about 45 min from me). She said she can’t because she needs to drive my sister somewhere on Thursday, has to attend an event with her on Friday, and needs to “rest” Saturday because she needs to help my sister again on Sunday. I asked her to please skip one of those events because my sister can work for herself and I’m desperate and this is truly a medical emergency (I have a high risk of miscarrying if I try to lift up my toddler), and she screamed at me how dare I ask her to break her “commitments” when they apparently including driving my sister and resting. I don’t know what to do. My therapist says to limit contact with my mother, but my dad is amazing and I don’t want to ban him too (he has a full-time job and helps as much as he can). My husband needs to take the hours when they are offered to him. I’d love any suggestions on how to navigate this.