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to tell or not to tell

CasadenaCasadena member
Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Woes

My worthless ex-husband walked out on me and our then-2-year-old daughter for a woman he had an affair with at work. They then fled the state, and after years of attempting to pursue him for child support, I gave up because it was becoming too expensive.

Last week, I learned through a friend that he had passed away back in January. Our daughter is now 23 and has no memory of him. Am I under any obligation to inform her that the POS has kicked off?

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Re: to tell or not to tell

  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'd try to find out what's going on because like it or not, she shares half the DNA and now medical history with someone deceased.  You don't need to mourn him but I'd want to know what is going on so I can do everything I can to ensure that my kids are equipped knowing medical history and have a way of treating issues before they show up. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I get why LW is still angry and him, but I'm not connecting why she thinks telling the daughter would somehow be a kindness to him. This is about the daughter and what she needs to know. Dude is dead, it makes no difference to him what daughter does or doesn't know. 

    But yeah, she's 23. I think it's pretty reasonable to share what you know about her father with her. She may or may not be curious or have a need to know now, but she likely will at some point. If you get hit by a bus tomorrow, wouldn't you want her to not be left with questions only you could answer?
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