Dear Prudence,
When I was 21, my older brother died in a workplace accident. It was a horrible time for my family. From it, my mother became a little more protective. My older sister and I both honor her wishes to share our location and have promised to either answer her call when she calls or text her right back, saying we are OK and will call her when we get the chance.
I am now 36, and I have been dating a man for the last several years, whom I love very much. I even started thinking about marriage, which I have never really done before. Here is the issue: He thinks my mother is overbearing and I should “cut the cord.” I have explained to him that my brother’s death really affected my mother—of course it has. And even with therapy and working through it, she will never be the same. He gets upset when I take her call when we’re doing something, or when I text her back right away and let her know I’m safe. He thinks it’s “creepy” that she will sometimes check my location and comment on it. There have been several times I have even conceded that sometimes it can be a bit much, but I would rather be a little inconvenienced than have my mother worry about me.
My partner also isn’t particularly close to his family, and rarely ever talks to them, but I talk to my mom, dad, and sister a lot. I don’t know how to get it through to him that this is part of my life, and my family is non-negotiable. Or, is he right, and I should set some firmer boundaries in place?