Dear Prudence,
My neighbors got a divorce three years ago. Their daughter, “Cassandra,” is still a close friend of my daughter despite her and her mom moving away. Both girls take the same athletics, so when Cassandra is staying at her dad’s, she often comes over, and we see her regularly. My problem is her new stepmom. The marriage happened very quickly, and she moved in with her two girls, who are a year older and younger than Cassandra.
Cassandra spends even more time over here, and my daughter dislikes both the stepsisters. The oldest is bossy, and the youngest is a brat. I have personally seen both of them act out in ridiculous ways at neighborhood events, including pushing over a toddler and trying to take another kid’s Nintendo Switch. Their mother, “Vanessa,” is extremely defensive, touchy, and prone to making drama online.
My daughter is turning 10, so we have a small event planned with six of her friends, including Cassandra. I usually clear stuff through Cassandra’s mother. So it was a shock when I was unloading groceries and saw Vanessa marching up to me. She immediately started to rant about her girls not being invited, and how I better make room for them, or she would make sure Cassandra didn’t come. I told Vanessa we only paid for six kids to come and were not doing any more. Vanessa stepped into my garage, and I told her she needed to leave.
Vanessa left but has been making obnoxious, vague posts online, clearly aimed at my family (we are mixed race in a mostly white neighborhood). My husband and I both texted Cassandra’s dad to talk, but no calls were returned. I really don’t want to go over on the off chance Vanessa is home, but I haven’t spoken to Cassandra’s mom because I am afraid that it will fuel the fire. What do we do here? I love Cassandra and want our home to be a safe space for her, but this is nuts.